3/September/2023 in Krakow
I'm attracted to other's selfishness
The other day
a woman sitting next to me said
"A man & a woman are equal. It's not like, a man has to ask a woman out. I don't mind asking a man out"
Half an hour later
probably partly due to alcohol, she started to talk about a guy she'd kinda liked but nothing had happened
The reason was, she said
"Because he didn't initiate anything. He didn't ask me out"
It's easy to find a contradiction in her words here
But I felt
this blindness with oneself......
namely, this contradiction
is exactly her attractiveness as a woman, as a human being
Probably this person is not a human being
At least, not an attractive human being
I used to find it hard to accept other's contradictions, just like everyone
I saw only unacceptable immaturity & unforgivable weakness here
But now I feel I was just too young
Too young to understand an entirety of human beings
"an entirety of human beings"........
In other words, we are not one simple single dimensional existence
But multi-faceted, complicating, contradictory, distorted........namely, chaotic existence
Back then I couldn't see this chaos of human beings
Rather, I rejected to see it
And never thought this chaos is exactly what makes us attractive as an individual
"I'm confused with myself"
"Don't know what to do in my life"
"Can't understand myself"
........in all these confusions & chaos, that are surely painful for him/her-self, I now tend to find his/her beauty
I now tend to find "human" here
I now tend to find his/her attractiveness here