by axxxm
Swim in the lake looks very Europeans
25/September/2023
Lake always brings me an impression of slightly mysterious & far away & intact
Lake
24/September/2023
When touching woman's watery part, I always feel I'm touching the lake
みずうみ
24/September/2023
指が濡れた性器に触れた瞬間はいつも、湖に指先をつけたような感触を運んでくる。
Happiness is Tasteless 2
23/September/2023
Feeling one's own emotion is the most strong, fresh, dazzling evidence of being alive
Happiness is Tasteless 1
23/September/2023
I felt such vivid, keen, acute emotions to the fullest
Loneliness in bed
22/September/2023
Emotions can't go away completely, once it's born inside us
How to Deal with Breakup
21/September/2023
Who can steal my deep appreciation towards him?
Photography I did a few years ago
21/September/2023
To extract beauty from reality & to compose another beauty
Eating Reveals
20/September/2023
Eating activity can reveal something very animalistic in us
Loneliness: Her Biggest Attraction
16/September/2023
Biggest attraction is always her loneliness
「ねえ」と「あなた」：わたしの好きな日本の言葉
15/September/2023
「ねえ」は相手が自分の存在を感じているという前提がある時にだけ使える麗しい言葉
I can't forget. I don't want to forget
14/September/2023
Feels like this unclearness of emotions is what makes us human
忘れられない。忘れたくない。
14/September/2023
私も歳を重ねて、徐々にこのグレーゾーン、いわば「感情のあわい」を自分自身の体験として、ナマナマしいものとして知り始めた
And I like you
11/September/2023
'Like'. This feeling always contains a certain sense of truth
『真実だったって』
11/September/2023
「好き」という気持ちには、なにか侵しがたいもの、高貴なもの、つまり「真実」がある
Discovery in Krakow
10/September/2023
Something I've been kind of annoyed in Krakow is
Woman Looks More Attractive at Night
10/September/2023
Probably because I couldn't see her whole face, but only a part of it
Far Away From
9/September/2023
With time, I feel my sensitivity became more shape & vivid
8 September 2012
8/September/2023
11th anniversary. Where was I?
Young boys & girls in the white shirt
4/September/2023
Young boys & girls in the white shirt overflowing
Contradiction = Attraction
3/September/2023
Contradiction is exactly her attractiveness as a human being
Attractive Story
3/September/2023
Lack of conflict between herself & reality around her
I still listen to you & I still like you
31/August/2023
This is the only thing that penetrates my 20 years
Not Sharing the Exact Same
31/August/2023
This notion easily leads me to a complete isolation
Spiritual Vacuum & Young Polish People
30/August/2023
These polite, considerate, kind, humanly notions are one of the youth's coping mechanisms with their spiritual vacuum
Most important thing for my life
29/August/2023
I reject everything I find ugly & I accept everything I find beautiful
Kiss
29/August/2023
I vividly felt she's surely an animal who is still alive
Warsaw Boredom
26/August/2023
For 2 years of my life in Warsaw, I wonder how I could deal with boredom & mundanity of human life
Skin Exposure
26/August/2023
Do I feel 'arousal' more often here than in Japan as a straight guy?
Exhaustion with local men
24/August/2023
I'm very tired of seeing big, macho, skin-head men on the street every single day
Religions & Suicide Rejection
23/August/2023
Suicide as a way of establishing oneself
Churches remind me of my origin
22/August/2023
It is this sense of connection that is completely missing when I visit churches
Attraction Deepening
22/August/2023
I could perfectly capture the moment that my attraction towards her deepened
魅了の深まるとき
22/August/2023
「いま、私はこの人に一歩深く魅了された」と、はっきりとこころの動きを認識できた瞬間のこと
Abe: Losing a part of my life
21/August/2023
Once the name of Abe was heard, sharp vivid pain was momentarily passing by
Beautiful Hands
20/August/2023
All attraction came from there & ended there
Meeting is not enough
19/August/2023
Writing for finding beauty
Another Normal Human Life
17/August/2023
I will be still dreaming of something that will destroy all mundanity & make me forget about myself
Attractive Qualities ― Vulnerability & Purity
16/August/2023
Recently I was thinking what kind of qualities in others I am attracted to
World War II & Summer
15/August/2023
I always have almost an emotional conviction that everything of WW2 was happening during summer
Can I still cry?
14/August/2023
How much pain, sadness, loneliness or happiness needed for cry
Flashbacks: 2018 & 2023
12/August/2023
Listening to one of my favourite singers, Yoshiko Sai's first album in 1975
Kyoko's House
10/August/2023
Kyoko's House is probably the most unfortunate novel in Mishima's career
35-year-old woman who has a 15-year-old body
9/August/2023
Her shines, her dazzling shines that she showed to the outside world only that night, only for a moment
15歳で成長が止まってしまった彼女の身体
9/August/2023
少女みたいな身体を彼女が持っていることに気がついた。
Krakow: Alternative History
8/August/2023
Staying in Krakow feels like I'm experiencing an alternative history that could have happened
She Looks Different From Photos
2/August/2023
The other day I met a woman from the online. And I felt what I always feel. A gap between photos & real
Leaving Japan
22/July/2023
One chapter in my life comes to an end
Overflowing Kawaii
21/July/2023
This entire country, Japan, is filled with these Kawaii/cute stuff everywhere
Holding the door open for others
21/July/2023
firmly believe they are the most polite & humble people in the world
Not Learning Japanese
7/July/2023
is the only way to stay sane
Moment for a drama
6/July/2023
So much empty space to be fulfilled with my illusions & delusions
Japanese Woman in Summer
3/July/2023
Summer is when more attention is required regarding one's fashion
Appreciating Male Beauty
29/June/2023
Appreciating male beauty seems far more pure & noble
Nonchalant Suicide
26/June/2023
Japan always has a very optimistic attitude on death, particularly suicide
Brainless Japanese
27/June/2023
Japanese people can't think about anything in their head
Japan ― Humidity ― Asia
24/June/2023
Unfilled, unsatisfied, intense emotions that Japanese arts always express
Most Vulnerable Moment
24/June/2023
Any thoughts, any emotions, any memories can invade into our mind, yet we can't resist it at all
夏至
22/June/2023
夏至とは堕つることの始まりの日
Summer Solstice
22/June/2023
Always some strange feeling occurs when the summer solstice comes when I'm in Japan
identity
20/June/2023
This sense of continuity is what makes me 'me' today
Unsuitable Ideology
20/June/2023
We can play around with any kind of concepts, ideas & ideologies, that sound good and trendy
A middle-aged man has to be fat
14/June/2023
Excessive self-consciousness & sensitivity are suitable only for a young person
中年男は太っていなければならぬ
14/June/2023
完璧でないといけないという潔癖主義と繊細さは若者のものであって、中年男には投げやりと寛容が欲しい
Act as a Victim
11/June/2023
Being spontaneously rejected before being actually rejected by others
Perfectionist
10/June/2023
Being a perfectionist is a privilege of the youth. Only immaturity & inexperience can produce a perfectionist
『完璧主義者』という若者
10/June/2023
年を重ねる中で、「すべきこと」から逸脱して「すべきではないこと」を犯す場面に何度も遭遇し、そして犯してもなにも異常は起きないばかりか
Is sex must to make someone unforgettable?
8/June/2023
One momentarily encounter with a beauty was far more emotionally rich than sex
セックスと感情
8/June/2023
記憶には残るが、しかし生々しいものとしては残らない。
20 years of Emotion
6/June/2023
'I still listen to his music and I still like him'. This is the only thing that penetrates my 20 years
Innocent Ardency + Excellence = Beauty
6/June/2023
Accept only things that I find 'beautiful' & reject everything that I find 'ugly'
あこがれ ― 20年間好きな人
5/June/2023
あの人の音楽を今もまだ聴いていて、今もまだあの人のことを好きだということこそがただ唯一、この20年の人生の確かさを保証してくれているもののように思う。
こだわり
5/June/2023
美しいと感じるものだけを受け入れ、醜いと感じるものはすべて拒絶する。
Men's fear of being judged as gay（Homosexuality part 2）
3/June/2023
I can enjoy seeing good-looking Japanese boys on the street in Tokyo
Right-wing nationalist as well as gay（Homosexuality part 1）
3/June/2023
Even being gay could emphasise he is more loyal to tradition
ヨーロッパ人男性の恐怖（Homosexuality 2）
3/June/2023
「男の身を飾るべきものは服ではなく筋肉である」と彼らは内心ふかく確信している。
右翼であり同性愛者であること（Homosexuality 1）
3/June/2023
『三島由紀夫は右翼のナショナリストなのに、同時にゲイであるっていうのが面白いと思う』
DNA Level Bonding
27/May/2023
This undeniable feeling that this artwork & I are from the same place
Vanished Beauty
26/May/2023
Beauty of actresses is the only reason for still watching films
今は亡き幻を見せられる
26/May/2023
私が映画を観る唯一の理由は、美しい女優を見るためだけである。
Pretty Japanese boys & girls
21/May/2023
Haven't received this simple fun of seeing good-looking faces
Why young boys are like this?
20/May/2023
Men around 20 years old are the least attractive, but why?
若い男が魅力的ではない理由
20/May/2023
なぜ若い男は恋愛にこうも簡単に盛り上がってしまうのか。
私を「日本」につなぎとめるもの
20/May/2023
「日本」や「日本人」といったもの対してねじれた感情を抱き、私自身もはや100%の日本人であるとは感じていない。
広島G7サミット
19/May/2023
ウクライナの大統領がはるばる日本に来る報に接すると、日本として大きな一線を越えた感と「引きずり込まれる」といった言葉まで浮かんでくる
Hiroshima G7 summit
19/May/2023
Watching a live broadcast from Hiroshima where G7 summit happening
日本人がレビューをする時
19/May/2023
日本でGoogle Mapを使って最初に気がつくのは、高レビューの店が少ないことだ。
Memory of her skin
16/May/2023
Under the strong sunlight Touch the flower
Tokyo
15/May/2023
I'm too familiar with this inhuman environment & inhuman humans, and I'm one of them
東京
15/May/2023
東京への滞在が長引くほど、日本のウィルスが我が身へと深く浸透してくるのを感ずる。
まなざし
14/May/2023
「のぞき」や「盗撮」のニュースは見るたびに覚える嫌悪。この国の人間のどうしようもない精神的もろさ、 精神的未熟、精神的奇形がよく表れているからである。
写真にうつる顔を隠す異様さ
13/May/2023
日本のYouTube動画やSNSの写真を最初に気づくのは、背景に映る人や同じ写真に映っている人の顔がモザイクで消されていることだ
Japan, Excessive, Contribution
13/May/2023
Menstrual pads, tampons, sanitary items for women are inside
日本の過剰の不気味
13/May/2023
住んでいる街の図書館の入り口近くには机があり、そこには広報の知らせや市内のイベントのチラシなどが置かれている。
生々しさ
13/May/2023
同じ国の人から母語で投げかけられた言葉、そこにある不気味な生々しい手触り・・・・・、この生々しさこそ実は私がもっとも目を背けているものだった。
Realness of the war in Ukraine
12/May/2023
A chat with a random Japanese babushka left me strange feel of realness
Complicated Relationship with My Language
10/May/2023
My relationship with Japanese language is very distorted
作品の愉しみ方
10/May/2023
『poetry』と『亡骸を・・・』。変わらないものと変わるもの・・・暗さ、悲しさ、妖しさ、美しさ・・・そう、同じ美学が流れている。
目にあまる低俗な日本語
9/May/2023
プログラミング関係の文章を読んでいて目にあまるのが低俗な日本語である。
Shootings in Serbia
6/May/2023
'Thank you for coming to our country', said Serbian uni student
あやめ
4/May/2023
だらり あやめ
デジャヴ
2/May/2023
この週末、立て続けに不思議な経験をした。ある本を読んでいて、そこに書かれていることが、まるで自分がかつて書いたことのように見えたのである。
Japanese is not a speaking-oriented language
29/April/2023
Japanese always cut off a sentence & always put a pause between each clauses
Japanese has to be spoken timidly
29/April/2023
If it's spoken confidently, like we speak English, it just doesn't sound like Japanese
女の肌を思い出させるもの
28/April/2023
ツツジに触れて
日本語と私
25/April/2023
私と日本語の関係は知らぬ間に非常にねじれてしまった。いつのまにか日本語全体が他人に対する拒絶の道具になっていたのである。
Eye Contact
24/April/2023
An entire population in this country are morbidly communication phobic
日本語で書くこと、英語で書くこと
23/April/2023
「言葉を探す」とは、違う考え方をする、違う視点で物事をながめること。これが英語では単語あるいは熟語を探す程度しかできず、日本語ほどの広さと深みが生まれない。
Standstill & Drastic
22/April/2023
Over the past 15 months This book stayed on my bookshelf Standstill But I changed, and the world changed Drastically
Japanese people are morbid
7/May/2023
Japanese people are spoiled, weak, passive, dependent, nervous, awkward, morbid
Feel Woman Most
20/April/2023
This is the moment I feel 'a woman' most vividly
女の音
20/April/2023
目でもなく、鼻でもなく、耳こそが女をもっとも感じる器官なのかもしれない。
Our Perception
20/April/2023
A coffee served by a nice cafe staff. We have a good impression about this cafe Strange
海外生活の長い人が日本語に違和感を覚える理由
18/April/2023
伊藤詩織『裸で泳ぐ』にしばし眼を通す。ひとつ興味深かったのは、筆者と日本／日本語の摩擦関係である。
Japanese & 'You'
18/April/2023
Several days ago I was meeting someone who was studying Japanese
日本人と『あなた』
18/April/2023
「あなた」という言葉は、日本語では非常に使いづらい。むしろ日本語では「あなた」という言葉をほぼ使わない。
Japanese Apology
17/April/2023
Unbearable mental weakness of being submissive spontaneously & avoiding all potential conflict by an apology first
耽美派と『そこから青い闇がささやき』
16/April/2023
山﨑佳代子『そこから青い闇がささやき』をここ2、3日読んでいた。
『そこから青い闇がささやき』を読んで
15/April/2023
ここ数日、山﨑佳代子の新著『ドナウ、小さな水の旅 ベオグラード発』と2003年発刊の『そこから青い闇がささやき』を読んでいた。
Traveling with a book
11/April/2023
I always find hard to read it while traveling
Nationality & Individuality（part 3）
9/April/2023
There is a couple of risks in living abroad
Nationality & Individuality（part 2）
9/April/2023
Denying one's own country inevitably leads us to self-denial & self-hatred
Nationality & Individuality（part 1）
9/April/2023
There is a drama between nationality & individuality
Why are the Japanese so bad at English pronunciation?
8/April/2023
The reason is not Japanese has simpler sounds, but something coming from Japanese morbid mindset
日本人が英語の発音を苦手とする理由
8/April/2023
日本人が英語の発音を苦手とするのは、日本語の音が単純とか音に慣れていないといったことだけでなく、「音を軽視する」という日本語の特徴のためである。
Attractive Names
4/April/2023
The Tale of Genji's chapter titles all sound attractive
Objectivity & Subjectivity（part 3）
3/April/2022
Japanese people look like a robot
Objectivity & Subjectivity（part 2）
3/April/2022
It's far easier, far safer for us to believe in objectivity than subjectivity
Objectivity & Subjectivity（part 1）
3/April/2022
Sometimes take a look at books about Japanese grammar
Visited the countryside & felt guilty
2/April/2023
Visited grandparent's place last month
A book about a man who got into cosmetics
2/April/2023
I was thinking women use cosmetics only for getting attention. Cosmetics are only about facial beauty
'Thinking' means 'Looking for words'
1/April/2023
Something appears in me Something I want to write about Then, which language to use for this?
Japan's history makes me dizzy
1/April/2023
These days I was often reading books about Japan's Heian period (8 - 12th Century)
Abe's place
31/March/2023
Visiting this place was actually one of the main reasons why I went to Nara
A memoir about women
31/March/2023
Reading a memoir by Shintaro Ishihara who was a famous writer & a politician
Letter and Scent
31/March/2023
This close attention to details, this sensitivity, is something the Japanese in 21th century lost
Question on Literature Studies
31/March/2023
But at some point, I started to feel something unbearable in these literature studies
Difficulty in a long novel
31/March/2023
Feels like I want to celebrate that today I could finally finish reading this extremely long 11th century novel
Haiku poets in Russia
30/March/2023
Came across an interesting book. A collection of Haiku(Japanese style poem) written by 8 Russian ordinary citizens
42nd Chapter: The Tale of Genji
29/March/2023
More than 1 month has passed since I started The Tale of Genji, the oldest novel
Temple & Shrine
29/March/2023
Sometimes got asked differences between temple & shrine
Impossibility of Sharing
29/March/2023
In the last day in Nara Rainy morning Saw this flower
Best way for hiding oneself
29/March/2023
The best way to hide myself is to avoid my 1st language, but use my 2nd language
My Avoidant Attachment Style with Japanese Language
29/March/2023
Over the past decade, when I was abroad, I desperately avoided Japanese people
石原慎太郎の自伝を読む
28/March/2023
近日、石原慎太郎の自伝『「私」という男の生涯』を数日かけて読んでいた。
Sakura: Momentarily yet Eternally
28/March/2023
A bit of an unfortunate year, Sakura falling quickly
日本人の礼儀正しさ
27/March/2023
無人レジがあると、必ずそちらを選ぶ。時に意地でも無人レジを選ぶ。
My impressions on Nara
23/March/2023
Stayed in Nara for a bit Nara is Japan's oldest capital city, before Kyoto
奈良滞在
23/March/2023
奈良を訪れた。3泊4日のごく短い滞在だったが、この街の印象を記す。
Short stay in Nara
19/March/2023
My stay in Nara was quite short
My most difficult relationship
19/March/2023
Talking about Japanese people means talking about myself. There is a subject I tried to avoid over the past couple of months
Travel Changes
19/March/2023
My expectation from travel seems changing
Rough impression on Nara
18/March/2023
Feels like Nara is represented by hills
Unity & Individuality
18/March/2023
Nara's traditional houses often have wooden vertical grid
Names contain more history
17/March/2023
Like Kyoto, many old names remain in Nara as a district name
Mishima's calligraphy
16/March/2023
Mishima visited & stayed in Sai shrine in Nara in 1966 to do research for one of his last novels
Reasons for visiting Nara
16/March/2023
I came to Nara this time only because I wanted to walk on these wild roads
Nara, a birth place of Japan
15/March/2023
Nara is far less known city, comparing to Kyoto
Kagawa: my real hometown
15/March/2023
Leaving Kagawa
White Russians
12/March/2023
Quite struggling yet still reading The Tale of Genji translated by Tanizaki
Mishima & Tanizaki
9/March/2023
I've liked Mishima for a really long time, but always sensed something morbid around what he wrote
Nothing but an impulse
6/March/2023
In a bookshop Saw a new book by Kayoko Yamasaki She is a Japanese poet & professor at the University of Belgrade
外国に住みながら、日本人に向けて書き続ける疑問
4/March/2023
書店にて山﨑佳代子氏の新著『ドナウ、小さな水の旅 ベオグラード発』を見かける。
Youth
1/March/2023
Waiting as always at Starbucks in the central Tokyo at 21:30 Full of young people, around 15 - 20 y.o.
Reading Abe's memoir
28/February/2023
While talking, something unexpected comes out of our mouth
Unexpected things come out of our mouth
28/February/2023
While talking, something unexpected comes out of our mouth
Will & Effort for Observers
27/February/2023
I have no interest in Mishima, but just curious why he could have such a strong will power?
One year passed
24/February/2023
Over the past 1 week or even more, Japanese magazines, newspapers, TV, online news etc., all have talked about the war
February
20/February/2023
Towards the end of February, always some reluctant feeling is built up in me
Books to read after travel
18/February/2023
An autobiography by an infamous Italian seducer from 18th Century
My impressions on Kyoto
18/February/2023
I had never expected that 2-week-stay in Kyoto brought me such vivid impressions
京都滞在
17/February/2023
2023年の1月終わりから2週間ほど滞在した京都のことを書く。
Takano Etsuko: Railway crossing
14/February/2023
This was one of the places I had to pay a visit in Kyoto
Jealousy with drawing
13/February/2023
Last summer in Perast, Montenegro Saw a guy drawing a landscape
Camellia
13/February/2023
Can't predict where luck is
Kyoto, a compact city
10/February/2023
Writing a letter, knowing this letter won't be delivered
A letter that won't be delivered
10/February/2023
Writing a letter, knowing this letter won't be delivered
Silence in the conversation
10/February/2023
I prefer to have a silence in conversation now
'I like rainy day'
10/February/2023
I didn't need her answer
'I will not see you again'
10/February/2023
A few days ago I was meeting a girl
Kamo River
10/February/2023
Kamo river is undeniably one of elements that make Kyoto attractive as a city
Still Possession
8/February/2023
man is just one of woman's possessions
Uji, Kyoto
8/February/2023
3 days ago I visited Kyoto's southern town, Uji
An Outsider Japan
8/February/2023
When exchanging words with local person in Kyoto, in a restaurants/cafes/shops/street, I often feel some slight embarrassment
Loneliness Foreigners Japan
7/February/2023
Over the past several years, foreigners in Japan always catch my eye
We just love an idea of monogamy
6/February/2023
At some hotel room in Osaka at 4:58am
Rome & Kyoto
6/February/2023
One of the things I found nice in Kyoto is Faces I pass on the street are diverse Languages I hear on the street are diverse
Foreigners in Kyoto
5/February/2023
One of the things I found nice in Kyoto is Faces I pass on the street are diverse Languages I hear on the street are diverse
Accent
2/February/2023
Sounds much softer, tender & surely more attractive, especially when pronounced by female
Self Love
2/February/2023
When I go to other country, I always think what a horrible place Japan is
Individuality & Quirks
2/February/2023
I find one's individuality & quirks, which everyone has, extremely fascinating
First Impression on Kyoto
1/February/2023
My random impressions on Kyoto
Why am I visiting Kyoto?
29/January/2023
I'm unsure if Kyoto is famous or not abroad, but I'll stay in Kyoto for a bit
Kyiv―Yoshiko Sai―Etsuko Takano―Kyoto
28/January/2023
During my 1st visit to Kyiv, I often listened to 1976-released-album by Yoshiko Sai
Female Barista
28/January/2023
Often come to this cafe in Tokyo. One female barista, looks uni student
'An Origin of 20 Years Old' by Etsuko Takano
26/January/2023
Past few days, reading a diary written by a Japanese girl Published in 1971 & became popular among the young
Why difficult to enjoy translated books?
25/January/2023
There are 2 reasons here
Keeping Beauty or Destroying Beauty
24/January/2023
The more you get to know him/her, the more you have to face something unbearable, something unacceptable, something unforgivable
憧憬の源：二〇歳
24/January/2023
最近、高野悦子の本を読んでいるが、そこにはかなり多く、あの年頃への憧れがあることはたしかだ。
自分の見方、自分の意見、自分の思想が欲しかったころ（高野悦子『二十歳の原点 序章』）
24/January/2023
高野悦子『二十歳の原点 序章』を読んでいて、彼女が「本を読んでも文字を追っているだけと感じる」という一文が目に入る。
Bombarded by Garbage
22/January/2023
Exposed to completely unnecessary matters everyday
A man of innocence
20/January/2023
If you're not that innocent, you can't commit suicide
Joanna
18/January/2023
Yesterday I was walking toward Warsaw city centre. On the way, I noticed a girl with short hair walking ahead of me
わたしのやりたいこと
17/January/2023
結局わたしのやりたいことって、「好きなこと」とかではなく、濃い時間を過ごしたい、ってことに過ぎない
人間は絶望からは自殺できない
17/January/2023
人間を自殺に誘うのはロマンティシズムだ。甘いRomanticism。
高野悦子「二十歳の原点」を読むからっぽの自分
16/January/2023
高野悦子の「二十歳の原点」をここ数日読んでいた。
Unhappy in my life, but Fruitful in my diary
16/January/2023
Going through lots of emotional roller-coasters in 2017
Transience Beautifies Every Single Moment
15/January/2023
Without death, how can we try to live for this moment as much as we can?
Sincerity
15/January/2023
Just like many other people I want to be sincere in front of others
Talking about 'love' looks foolish
15/January/2023
Love always rejects understandings from others
'I'm an artist'
14/January/2023
Nowadays.....well, over the past 10 years.....everyone uses this phrase
Art & Theme
14/January/2023
What is the theme of this film? What is the message this writer express?
Loneliness & Suicide
14/January/2023
In our society, there are things that we're prohibited to approve
Ephemerality of Relationships
12/January/2023
The more I meet people, the more I feel how ephemeral & fragile relationships are
Do I want to meet her again?
11/January/2023
Let us enjoy full range of our emotional spectrum
Silent Jealousy with Mishima
10/January/2023
A bookshop is one of places I go right after coming back to Japan from abroad
Dealing with emotions with words
10/January/2023
Haven't made much progress these days Writing is such a rational activity
Too many hopes on youth's shoulder
9/January/2023
Today is national holiday in Japan A day of celebrating people who have turned 20 y.o. and welcome them into adulthood
Avoid external things but juicy part
8/January/2023
These information is very important to draw the whole story we want to share, but it is not the most juicy part
Easy to be happy
6/January/2023
Easiest way to be happy
To live sincerely always ends up in suicide
6/January/2023
The more I get to know Mishima and his life, the more I become certain 'To live sincerely' always ends up in suicide
The Truth
6/January/2023
Almost all truth is neither pleasing nor comfortable. It destroys something inside you
Void of being close to others
5/January/2023
You happen to meet someone and get a very good connection, but parted without exchanging contacts
Realisations Poland gave me
5/January/2023
So far I went to Poland 4 times and every time a certain significant realisation came to me
Renata
4/January/2023
Renata was my colleague in a company in Amsterdam
Emotions Can't Be Summarised
3/January/2023
In a store, I always see books showing summary of famous world literatures
Most important thing to write down
3/January/2023
what are you writing in your diary everyday? This is the question I often get asked and I always answer, slightly hesitantly
Melting Romance & Chocolate【4 years later】
2/January/2023
I wrote this in autumn 2018 just before my ex-relationship properly started
Unhappiness Tells More
2/January/2023
Being happy is the most insensitive state of mind
Memory of 'Living in a moment'
1/January/2023
In the New Year, what we shouldn't do the most is probably reading an old diary
Emotion's Purity
31/December/2022
「感情の純粋」を保つには、先を考えてはいけない。結果を考えてはいけない。
Moment & Emotion
31/December/2022
The below is an extract from my diary in March 2017
Cute skinny feminine Korean boys
28/December/2022
This summer in Sarajevo in Bosnia, I came across this street concert
L
26/December/2022
L is an English woman I met in Amsterdam. Remembering her while reading my memos from 2016
ART OF LIFE／すべてを破壊せずにはいられない衝動
26/December/2022
By quoting lyrics from the song I'm attached to like this, what can I tell?
About 2022
25/December/2022
This year will soon come to an end
Foreign Japanese Women
24/December/2022
In a foreign country when having a drink with local men/guys/boys, I frequently got askedm
Memory of a Czech Girl
22/December/2022
So far I often mentioned Mishima here, so that I always missed an opportunity to touch another writer, Tanizaki, Will write a bit about him
Tanizaki and Lust
21/December/2022
So far I often mentioned Mishima here, so that I always missed an opportunity to touch another writer, Tanizaki, Will write a bit about him
Sensitivity & Strength
19/December/2022
'Silent Jealousy' is one of 2 songs that couldn't be missed in my Amsterdam days
I still remember?
16/December/2022
Reading tons of memos I wrote in 2015 - 2017 while living in Amsterdam I always think I have a quite good memory and don't forget a person I go out with
'Loneliness in Tokyo is beautiful'
4/December/2022
What I've been annoyed in Georgia is stray dogs and Georgian men
不快な街、ジョージアのトビリシ
11/December/2022
ジョージアの首都トビリシ。今回来てみてよかったら次回は長期滞在をしようと思ったが、おそらくそうはならないであろう。この街には非常に不快な要素があったからである。その点をくわしく書く。
Countries On One Continent
4/December/2022
Before coming to Tbilisi, I was in Georgia's 3rd city, Kutaisi, a very small town, for 3 days and saw a monument It said the Polish president during WW2, called Władysław Raczkiewicz, was born in this town
Things I dislike in Tbilisi, Georgia
4/December/2022
What I've been annoyed in Georgia is stray dogs and Georgian men
First impression on Tbilisi
26/November/2022
1 week passed Haven't yet composed my thoughts about this city of Tbilisi Haven't found an uniqueness of this city yet
Memory Fades Away
25/November/2022
52 years ago today Yukio Mishima died It was sunny Wednesday noon in 1970 and it quickly became nationwide news
Abe and Me
15/November/2022
More than 4 months passed since his death, but I still think about Abe
Student Anxiety
13/November/2022
Seeing students. Remembering a certain sense
Polish people and history
11/November/2022
Walking on the street called Filtrowa Nothing special. Just a 1 kilo metre long street in Stara Ochota district in Warsaw
Memory of a girl in London
9/November/2022
Remembering a girl in London
Pain & Sadness: I don't want to forget
30/October/2022
Remain this pain, sadness, loneliness inside me
I've been listening to your loneliness
30/October/2022
Remain this pain, sadness, loneliness inside me
Desire for Eternity
26/October/2022
One of motive for creation is desire for eternity, ecstacy for eternity
Her Fragrance Makes My Soul Intoxicating
23/October/2022
Tanizaki said 'Alcohol makes our body intoxicating. Fragrance makes our soul intoxicating'
Warsaw and Tokyo
19/October/2022
Warsaw and Tokyo My first visit to Warsaw was June in 2014 And from the very beginning, my impression about this city hasn't changed at all
Bosnia, Drama, Perspective
19/September/2022
We can easily find 'a drama' in Sarajevo, with a small amount of knowledge that an elementary school history textbook tells us
Queen's death and Me
10/September/2022
Yesterday was a bit strange day My 2nd book was based on my experiences in London where I lived for 2 years I needed to finish it by 8/Sep, because this day 10 years ago, 8/Sep/2012, was the day I left Japan for the UK and my London life began
Scars on the City, Sarajevo
9/September/2022
There is a big cemetery on the way to Yellow Bastion from Sebili It caught my attention because it looked very unusual Very unusual that such a big cemetery exists just 3min away from city's most popular touristic spot
Ignorance & Beauty
8/September/2022
Everything that belongs to beauty comes from from only ignorance and delusion
サラエボのノマドカフェ
7/September/2022
サラエボで、パソコン作業に適したノマドカフェを紹介する。
Roses
7/September/2022
What I've been pleased in Balkans is rose
Latin Bridge, First World War and Abe
7/September/2022
Here is where Austrian crown prince and his wife were killed in 1914
Bosnia and Ukraine ― Scars of memory
4/September/2022
When seeing the Bosnian flag for the first time, I thought about Ukrainian flag Just because, this blue & yellow color combination Such a petty resemblance In my original plan, Bosnia was not on the list
セルビアのノマドカフェ
31/August/2022
ベオグラードで、パソコン作業に適したノマドカフェを紹介する。
Mountains in Bosnia
25/August/2022
What I'm pleased in Bosnia is being able to see mountains Mountain is always tightly related to my memory of Japan because mountains can be seen almost everywhere there
Mishima Yukio in Serbia
18/August/2022
Yukio Mishima, a most acclaimed Japanese writer His last work consists of 4 novels Even in Japan, I've never seen these 4 books are bundled and sold like this
Dazai Osamu in Serbia
5/August/2022
In Serbia I see this Dazai's book in most of bookshops Looks like it's translated into Serbian recently It's kinda interesting because Dazai was never recognised by the oversea readers
推敲前後の文章の比較
30/July/2022
ここ数ヶ月、私の本の推敲作業を長々としてきた。推敲作業、あるいは編集作業において、誤字脱字を直したり、不自然な表現を改めるというのは初歩的なところで
My Thoughts about Shinzo Abe 3
14/July/2022
Watching the scene of ex-prime minister Abe's private funeral So many were gathering in the temple in the central Tokyo and so many shouted their thank you & gratitude to Abe
My Thoughts about Shinzo Abe 2
9/July/2022
It's been quite surprising for me after I wrote about Japan's ex-prime minister Abe last Friday
My Thoughts about Shinzo Abe 1
8/July/2022
I got lots of DMs about Abe, like 'News about him keeps showing up' 'Who is he? Is he a good guy?' 'Very unusual to hear gun incident in Japan' etc.
いやらしさ
20/June/2022
日曜日の午後、ベオグラード中心部のカフェでコーヒーを飲んだあとのバスでの帰りぎわのこと
野バラ
18/June/2022
House of Flowersの周りにはバラの小さな木がいくつもあって、花を実らせていた
セルビアとロシア人
17/June/2022
セルビアにはロシアからの移住者が多い
ショッピングモールの爆破予告
14/June/2022
ベオグラードのショッピングモールの爆破予告に思ったこと
ユーゴスラビア博物館
12/June/2022
ベオグラードのユーゴスラビア博物館を訪ねた時のこと
地方にある、誰も知らない美しい寒村のような
9/June/2022
ベオグラードのゼムンはオーストリア＝ハンガリー帝国の影響が色濃く、ベオグラードしないとはまったく別の景色のある街
女の美に感嘆する軽薄
20/April/2021
海外に住んでいた時分、私は何度か同性愛者だと見なされたことがある。相手は、私の服装や言動や雰囲気からそういう印象を受け取ったということだが
「東欧」という言葉
26/January/2021
芦田均の『革命前後のロシア（自由アジア社/1958年）』収録の「ウクライナからトルストイの墓へ」と「黒海周遊記」をとても興味深く読む。
Abe and Lukashenko
7/September/2020
Japan's Prime Minister, Shinzo Abe, announced his resignation on 28th, August. This was very shocking news for me. Some sort
肉体労働者に対する叙情的関心
9/August/2020
昨日トラムに乗っていると、上半身裸の男が車内に入ってきた。男は足が悪いのかびっこをひいており、この街のホームレスがよく持っている引き車のようなものを男も持っていた
自分の美しさを知らない薔薇
28/July/2020
生命力に満ち溢れた百合について書いて思い出したのは、この百合とは真逆の姿を示していた、昨年の初春に買った一本のバラのことである。
生きている百合
27/July/2020
黄色の百合が目に入る。そこは公園でも教会の敷地内でもなんでもない、道端である。大振りの黄色の百合が、幅3メートルほどの路地裏の小脇に咲き誇っていた。
死を想う
26/July/2020
人間というものは、死を考えて初めて、「人生」というものを始められるのではなかろうか。我々は、両親の淫交によって意味もなく生まれ落ち、そしてその発生過程の淫らさを認識できる故に
永久不滅の人種差別
6/July/2020
'Black Lives Matter'のムーブメントはあっという間に全世界に波及し、一時はもはや収拾のつかなくなった様相さえ呈していた。 現在はやや下火となったように見えるものの、先月上旬ごろの勢いは
異邦人として生き続けることへの疑問
24/May/2020
私はこれまで数カ国に住み、今も外地に身を置いている。かつては「日本国とのお付き合いは年に1度程度に限らせていただき、それ以外の時は外地に住んでいよう」と考えていたのだが
忌まわしい力学
20/May/2020
ポーランドでは、若い人の比較的多くがMaster Degree、つまり大学院修士の学位を持っている。これは基本的に学士課程が3年、修士が2年となっているので
空白の認識
2/April/2020
私が現在住んでいる国では外出禁止令が出ており、今日ですでに３週間に垂んとする。毎週この規制は厳しくなっており、今では、必需品購入以外の外出は禁止、散歩・野外での運動も禁止
隔離下の時間
1/April/2020
外出禁止という異常な状況におかれ、時間の制約がある事柄、Time sensitiveな事柄を抱えた人々はどのようにこの状況に対処しているのだろうかと思いを巡らす。来週から
白のチューリップ
25/March/2020
いくつかの後味の悪い記憶によって私はチューリップが嫌いである。また、幼年時代によく学校でチューリップを育てさせられたので、私には
ストーリー
20/March/2020
現代は「ストーリー」で溢れている。特にこれが顕著なのは仕事関連の領域で、起業家や経営者の「どうしてこの事業を始めたのか」という話題では
美しい女
11/March/2020
キエフを去る。機上の人となる。離陸前、キャビン・アテンダント（CA）から非常事態時の対処について、いつものレクチャーがある。CAが私の横に立つ。とても美しい女性CA
わたしと芸術
7/February/2020
私はあらゆる作品（往々にして「芸術作品」や「アート」と呼ばれるもの）に、クリーンなイメージを持てない。それはひとえに「作品とはその制作者の苦悶の
定住の条件
30/December/2019
数年前は、日本国とのお付き合いは年に一回程度の「里帰り」に限らせて頂き、それ以外の時は海外にいようと考えていた。しかし
死ぬと決まった人間の幸福
28/December/2019
これまで数カ国に滞在をしてきたが、ある国を去る時の解放感というのはなんとも形容しがたいものがある。これまで同じ地平で過ごしてきた周囲の人間たちを
行為と意味
28/December/2019
旅行を計画する時、いつも同じ問題にぶつかる。旅行の旅先、日程、移動手段を決められないのである。
刹那の唄、歌う
12/December/2019
自分のこれまでの生を振り返ってみると、自分は21世紀の人間のある典型例を示しているかのように感ずる。コミットメントを
Becoming Beautiful Oneself
9/July/2019
I saw that beauty and ethics are one and the same
Absolute and Concrete World
3/May/2019
People who live in a concrete world: They are those
具体と抽象の世界
26/April/2019
この世界は具体と抽象の２つの領域がある。私はどちらかといえば抽象の
Humans Never Become Mature
21/March/2019
We often over-evaluate older people, thinking like
純粋な賛辞：男が男を褒める時
24/January/2019
女性が他の女性を褒めることと、男性が男性を褒めることとの間には、その認識に対して
An Era of Emotion
16/January/2019
Soft man, feminine man, beta man etc......, many words are
Absolute Boredom
16/January/2019
What is an opposite thing of 'satisfaction' or 'fulfillment'?
Free From the Era
9/January/2019
Last night I was remembering friend’s sayings about Murakami and Mishima
Uncontrollable Nature of Life : Reading 'The Temple of Dawn'
26/December/2018
Today I started to read Mishima’s 'The Temple of Dawn'
Pitfall of Living Abroad
24/December/2018
Why is living abroad exciting and so sweet?
言葉による汚染
17/December/2018
自分の感情を言葉で表現した時に感じるあのズレはなんであろうか。
We Live in the Middle of a Transition
21/November/2018
We tend to think that our parent or people in the past had more stable
人生の不条理 ― 社会と個人の対立
21/November/2018
「人生の不条理」とは、次の２点に集約されるのではなかろうか。1-「自分の望むことが
「狭間の時代に生きている」という感覚
21/November/2018
狭間の国々といったらよいであろうか。狭間にあるということは、自らの主体性が
幸福観念
10/November/2018
ヨーロッパでの滞在が長くなってくると、私と「彼ら」とは、根本的なところで認識の差があるのではないかという
海外で長く住んでいる間の価値観の変遷
24/October/2018
海外で住み始めると、自分の想定した通りには物事が進まないことにまずは驚く。これはある意味当然で、それまでの住み慣れていた場所（＝日本）を離れ、全く新しい環境に身を置けば、まずはそこの「ローカルルール」に慣れる必要がある。
心を中を打ち明けるという罠 ― Oversharing
15/October/2018
なぜ私は他の人に興味を持つのか？それは他の人の生き方や考え、物事へのアプローチの方法の中に、自分自身を見ているからだ。
Melting Romance and Chocolate
4/October/2018
I was eating a chocolate this morning. And I noticed how alike a chocolate & a relationship are.
豊かさと貧しさを産む偶然
29/September/2018
ウクライナはキエフを訪ね、ふと思ったのは、ある国が貧しくて、ある国が豊かというのは、不平等であると同時に、その大半が様々な偶然の結果であろうということ。
生きるということ
14/September/2018
生きるということ。自殺とか自決とか、言い方はなんであれ、自分で自分の人生に終止符を打つことに対するネガティブな印象というのは拭がたいものらしい。
Why does the Japanese glorify death?
10/September/2018
One of the answers is quite interesting. This answerer describes the Japanese attitude toward death very well
'How to Die?' ― the 2nd Question
27/August/2018
The first question we face in our life is How to Live?
A Note from Summer
27/August/2018
Every single moments were as beautiful as my memories, as beautiful as she was, as beautiful as......
How to Love
22/August/2018
What is needed when we love someone or something? I think the most important condition for love is ephemerality
「私」と「世界」とを対立構造に置く認識
21/August/2018
歳を重ねるほどに、自分の気質に合う価値観、美意識、Sense of beautyが次第に明らかになってくるのを感ずる。
第２言語の危険
13/August/2018
自分の第２言語は英語であるが、第２言語で考えたり、話したり、聞いたり、人とコミュニケートしたりする危険を時折り感じる。
Un-humanistic Nature of Happiness
11/August/2018
Happiness is lukewarm.Tragedy is far more vivid, far more keen, far more lively, far more human.
人間の再生、復活、転生の忌まわしさ
9/August/2018
死んだら全て終わりだとか、死ぬまで生きることを人間の使命と考えたりするのは卑しい。人生を単に何かを為すための時間と考えることも卑しい。
無意味な生を生きる者たち
9/August/2018
6月に東海道線新幹線の車内で起きた殺人事件。その事件の詳細を知ると、単なる「殺人事件」というよりかは「猟奇殺人」という方が適切だと感じられるような凄惨な事件。
『貴方になって 狂おしくて』
9/August/2018
数ヶ月前の話ですが、アルバム『夜、カルメンの詩集』を聴きました。清春という歌手の新作アルバムです。この記事のタイトルは
Bearable Life
4/August/2018
Long time ago I had a pet, a small animal. Sometimes I felt that he taught me something.
Happiness is Tasteless
11/May/2018
Many people want to be happy. Many people tend to think being happy is one of the ultimate goals in our lives. But one thing we should not forget is that happiness itself does not provide anything to us.
なぜKazuo Ishiguroの本はつまらないのか
6/May/2018
最初に断っておくと、私はKazuo Ishiguroの本をすべて読んでいるわけでも、Kazuo Ishiguroについての知識が豊富なわけでもない。 読んだのは処女作「遠い山なみの光」と、代表作とされる「日の名残り」だけである。
Eternal Life & Death
12/March/2018
To live forever. They say this has been a dream of human being since our history began (I have never dreamt of it, though)
思い出の重さ
12/March/2018
その昔、ある小動物をペットとして飼っていたが、彼を見ていると、その無邪気さには何かを教えられる心地がした。「今」だけを生きているような、その無邪気さ。
作品の「メッセージ」を読み解こうとする現代人の誤謬
10/March/2018
本や絵や映画や音楽といったアート作品や芸術作品を鑑賞する時、そこには必ず何らかの「メッセージ」が込められていると信じて、それを生真面目に必死に読み解こうとする人たち。
春の憂鬱
6/March/2018
まだ肌寒いものの、3月に入り、日の昇る時間は確実に早くなり、一歩一歩季節が変わりつつあるのを感ずる。日本で春を迎えるのは3年ぶりだ。
大都市に住むことの危険
4/March/2018
これまで東京、ロンドン、アムステルダムと、その国の首都、つまり一番大きい街にばかり住んできましたが
小説を読むことの危険
3/March/2018
「小説を読むことの危険」について触れる前に、その読み方について。
Sari／去り
27/February/2018
一度去った場所にはもう戻れないし、戻るべきでもない、というお話を。
日本の愛し方
20/February/2018
「ふるさとは遠きにありて思ふもの、そして悲しくうたふもの......」で始まる室生犀星の有名な詩がありますが、私が日本ついて思う時はいつもこの詩を思い出します。
宗教
19/February/2018
宗教とは、無礼を承知で噛み砕いて言うと、瞑想やヨガなのではないか、というお話です。
死を想え
15/February/2018
「メメント・モリ」というラテン語を耳にする機会は、ここ10年ほどの間に非常に増えたと思う。これもSNSの発達で、多くの個人の発言を目にする機会が増えたからだろうか。
「誠実に生きる」の意味
15/February/2018
ここ数年、「人生を誠実に生きる」ということは、究極的には「自死する」ということと同義なのではないか、という思いが自分の内からどうしても拭えない。
ロンドンの人が一番恐れていること
15/February/2018
ロンドンに住んでいた頃、知人がふと言いました。
ひとに感謝を伝えること
14/February/2018
感謝されることは嬉しい。人の喜びは人にも伝わるから。
或いはオプティミスティック
14/February/2018
若い頃はどこかネガティブで暗く、メランコリックなものに惹かれていた。
記憶とつながりの関係
14/February/2018
ある人から予期していないメッセージが来た。
人生に対する認識とは
13/February/2018
「人生に対する自分の認識が数年間変わってないこと」に疑問を感じていたと以前書きました。
人のこころへのアプローチ方法
13/February/2018
ポジティブとネガティブ。オプティミスティックとペシミスティック。
価値観が変わることについて
13/February/2018
価値観が変わるというのは、喜ばしいことでもあり、恐ろしいことでもある
読書の効用
10/February/2018
アムステルダムに住んでいた頃、「自分は全く進歩していないのではないか」という思いに囚われることが時折あった。
生きる目的の喪失と時代の価値観
9/February/2018
「自由」という考え方が多くの人（特に若者）に受け入れられ、人生の選択肢が爆発的に増える中で、自分はいつもそこに同化することができない何か、諸手を上げて賛意を示すことができない何かを感じていた。
このサイトについて
28/January/2018
忘備録として、日々思うこと、過去の想起、特にこれまでの海外生活について