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ETERNAL ― my closure

25/March/2024

ETERNAL

ETERNAL ― alone

24/March/2024

ETERNAL

ETERNAL ― I know

23/March/2024

ETERNAL

ETERNAL ― 21 years

22/March/2024

ETERNAL

9TO3/3TO9

19/March/2024

I feel like this September will come soon

Other's sufferings heal us

17/March/2024

Art is born from pain & sufferings

Perfectionist 2

16/March/2024

Perfectionist, just because they don't have enough communication with other human beings

Hope

13/March/2024

I could have such a nice time in the past. Then, I will have another nice time again

'love'

7/March/2024

love, ephemeral, eternal

Rain stops

6/March/2024

small joy, small delight

A Little Text

2/March/2024

Just listening, just nodding, eases and heals

my new ephemeral

29/February/2024

my new ephemeral my new ETERNAL

2020201620122008

29/February/2024

Once in four years

Sadness & Anger

28/February/2024

I feel sadness in a situation where I should feel anger

Arigatou

25/February/2024

bye bye, my ephemeral lily

I am anxious

24/February/2024

I am anxious, but I want to live

New Sadness

21/February/2024

New sadness of forgetting old sadness

Ephemeral Lily

19/February/2024

Memory of ephemeral lily. My ephemeral lily

Where my emotions are gone?

18/February/2024

I don't think it was all illusion

Ephemeral, yet Eternal

2/February/2024

Ephemeral emotion in us can be eternal. Ephemeral existence of us can be eternal

Anywhere, but not here

31/January/2024

I want the future

my first sadness

27/January/2024

I could not stop my memories........'our memories'........being destroyed in front of me

Modern Relationships 2 ― Visible communication

25/January/2024

Online communications are all recorded & extremely visible, thus it shows an imbalance of the relationship

Modern Relationships 1 ― Over-emotions

25/January/2024

Special treatment for emotions, over-estimation of emotions, worship for emotions, being a slave of emotions

Naked Trees

22/January/2024

She said 'the white snow decorates naked trees'

99th Birthday & Suicide may be selfish

14/January/2024

If Mishima Yukio was still alive, he would be 99 years old today

I want to be alone more

11/January/2024

Sometimes I feel so

I like flowers now

28/December/2023

I didn't know how much joy & delight flowers bring to our daily life

Replying Texts

25/December/2023

Feels so difficult to reply a text, even just write Yes or No

My sadness & loneliness will certainly continue

20/December/2023

I feel fear that I will still be very attracted to sadness, pain and loneliness in me

What I am tired is

15/December/2023

To believe I'm the right one. And the other is wrong one

I am nameless

15/December/2023

I am nameless, but...

Same Faces: pattern recognition

11/December/2023

Attention to details makes it hard to extract common elements & recognise patters

True Letter

11/December/2023

A letter is a snapshot of one's emotions

moment by moment

11/December/2023

Truth ― moment ― Emotion

We Learn Emotions

10/December/2023

A man 'learns' how to love by using his memory/experience of being loved by his parents

I have to hurt others

2/December/2023

No matter how much I don't want, I still have to hurt him/her, because

When I was innocent

28/November/2023

I was 100% innocent with what I wanted then

Days: Passed & Never Repeats

20/November/2023

Reading my diary from this summer

Why are we so sentimental?

14/November/2023

Because the past is so safe

Idealised Past

13/November/2023

Life becomes absolutely unacceptable, unbearable, unforgivable

Real opinions about Japan

11/November/2023

This is my first time to hear opinions about my country from a person I know

My Attachment with Japan

11/November/2023

It's uneasy to be in a place where I don't have a strong reason for my stay

I can't live abroad forever

11/November/2023

The longer I stayed abroad, the more I felt unbearable

How To End Beautifully

11/November/2023

In the future, how will I remember this event that I'm experiencing right now?

Life is not a cheap Asian restaurant

9/November/2023

We cannot pick up only what we like

Ignorant Tears

8/November/2023

Being ignorant is a must to be beautiful

Emotions: Only one's own language can express

31/October/2023

Sakurai San. Still hard to believe you are not here anymore

Just One More Kiss ― Sakurai Atsushi

26/October/2023

Sakurai Atsushi's passing. Probably I'm scared this reality becomes real inside me

Life Template

12/October/2023

We often do things in life, not because 'I want to'. But because 'I am supposed to'

Be Vulnerable, Be Attractive

12/October/2023

Being able to express one's anxiety is attractive

Story To Tell

11/October/2023

I could not think I had 'something different' from others

Happiness is Tasteless 2

23/September/2023

Feeling one's own emotion is the most strong, fresh, dazzling evidence of being alive

Happiness is Tasteless 1

23/September/2023

I felt such vivid, keen, acute emotions to the fullest

Source of My Life Contradiction

19/September/2023

How these ordinary, mundane, down-to-earth, worthless garbage in my life is related to art works & people I find extremely significant?

Far Away From

9/September/2023

With time, I feel my sensitivity became more shape & vivid

8 September 2012

8/September/2023

11th anniversary. Where was I?

I still listen to you & I still like you

31/August/2023

This is the only thing that penetrates my 20 years

Not Sharing the Exact Same

31/August/2023

This notion easily leads me to a complete isolation

Warsaw Boredom

26/August/2023

For 2 years of my life in Warsaw, I wonder how I could deal with boredom & mundanity of human life

Exhaustion with local men

24/August/2023

I'm very tired of seeing big, macho, skin-head men on the street every single day

Attraction Deepening

22/August/2023

I could perfectly capture the moment that my attraction towards her deepened

Abe: Losing a part of my life

21/August/2023

Once the name of Abe was heard, sharp vivid pain was momentarily passing by

Can I still cry?

14/August/2023

How much pain, sadness, loneliness or happiness needed for cry

Flashbacks: 2018 & 2023

12/August/2023

Listening to one of my favourite singers, Yoshiko Sai's first album in 1975

Krakow: Alternative History

8/August/2023

Staying in Krakow feels like I'm experiencing an alternative history that could have happened

Moment for a drama

6/July/2023

So much empty space to be fulfilled with my illusions & delusions

Appreciating Male Beauty

29/June/2023

Appreciating male beauty seems far more pure & noble

Summer Solstice

22/June/2023

Always some strange feeling occurs when the summer solstice comes when I'm in Japan

identity

20/June/2023

This sense of continuity is what makes me 'me' today

Unsuitable Ideology

20/June/2023

We can play around with any kind of concepts, ideas & ideologies, that sound good and trendy

A middle-aged man has to be fat

14/June/2023

Excessive self-consciousness & sensitivity are suitable only for a young person

Act as a Victim

11/June/2023

Being spontaneously rejected before being actually rejected by others

Perfectionist

10/June/2023

Being a perfectionist is a privilege of the youth. Only immaturity & inexperience can produce a perfectionist

Is sex must to make someone unforgettable?

8/June/2023

One momentarily encounter with a beauty was far more emotionally rich than sex

20 years of Emotion

6/June/2023

'I still listen to his music and I still like him'. This is the only thing that penetrates my 20 years

Innocent Ardency + Excellence = Beauty

6/June/2023

Accept only things that I find 'beautiful' & reject everything that I find 'ugly'

Men's fear of being judged as gay(Homosexuality part 2)

3/June/2023

I can enjoy seeing good-looking Japanese boys on the street in Tokyo

Right-wing nationalist as well as gay(Homosexuality part 1)

3/June/2023

Even being gay could emphasise he is more loyal to tradition

DNA Level Bonding

27/May/2023

This undeniable feeling that this artwork & I are from the same place

Vanished Beauty

26/May/2023

Beauty of actresses is the only reason for still watching films

Memory of her skin

16/May/2023

Under the strong sunlight Touch the flower

Tokyo

15/May/2023

I'm too familiar with this inhuman environment & inhuman humans, and I'm one of them

Japan, Excessive, Contribution

13/May/2023

Menstrual pads, tampons, sanitary items for women are inside

Separation I & Me

10/April/2023

If I was a foreign person I could innocently naively appreciate things in this country

Nationality & Individuality(part 3)

9/April/2023

There is a couple of risks in living abroad

Nationality & Individuality(part 2)

9/April/2023

Denying one's own country inevitably leads us to self-denial & self-hatred

Nationality & Individuality(part 1)

9/April/2023

There is a drama between nationality & individuality

Objectivity & Subjectivity(part 3)

3/April/2023

Japanese people look like a robot

Objectivity & Subjectivity(part 2)

3/April/2023

It's far easier, far safer for us to believe in objectivity than subjectivity

Visited the countryside & felt guilty

2/April/2023

Visited grandparent's place last month

'Thinking' means 'Looking for words'

1/April/2023

Something appears in me Something I want to write about Then, which language to use for this?

Japan's history makes me dizzy

1/April/2023

These days I was often reading books about Japan's Heian period (8 - 12th Century)

Abe's place

31/March/2023

Visiting this place was actually one of the main reasons why I went to Nara

Impossibility of Sharing

29/March/2023

In the last day in Nara Rainy morning Saw this flower

Best way for hiding oneself

29/March/2023

The best way to hide myself is to avoid my 1st language, but use my 2nd language

My Avoidant Attachment Style with Japanese Language

29/March/2023

Over the past decade, when I was abroad, I desperately avoided Japanese people

My most difficult relationship

19/March/2023

Talking about Japanese people means talking about myself. There is a subject I tried to avoid over the past couple of months

Travel Changes

19/March/2023

My expectation from travel seems changing

Kagawa: my real hometown

15/March/2023

Leaving Kagawa

Reading Abe's memoir

28/February/2023

While talking, something unexpected comes out of our mouth

Will & Effort for Observers

27/February/2023

I have no interest in Mishima, but just curious why he could have such a strong will power?

February

20/February/2023

Towards the end of February, always some reluctant feeling is built up in me

Jealousy with drawing

13/February/2023

Last summer in Perast, Montenegro Saw a guy drawing a landscape

A letter that won't be delivered

10/February/2023

Writing a letter, knowing this letter won't be delivered

Kamo River

10/February/2023

Kamo river is undeniably one of elements that make Kyoto attractive as a city

'An Origin of 20 Years Old' by Etsuko Takano

26/January/2023

Past few days, reading a diary written by a Japanese girl Published in 1971 & became popular among the young

Bombarded by Garbage

22/January/2023

Exposed to completely unnecessary matters everyday

Unhappy in my life, but Fruitful in my diary

16/January/2023

Going through lots of emotional roller-coasters in 2017

Sincerity

15/January/2023

Just like everyone, I'd like to be sincere with others

Talking about 'love' looks foolish

15/January/2023

Love always rejects understandings from others

'I'm an artist'

14/January/2023

Nowadays.....well, over the past 10 years.....everyone uses this phrase

Art & Theme

14/January/2023

What is the theme of this film? What is the message this writer express?

Loneliness & Suicide

14/January/2023

In our society, there are things that we're prohibited to approve

Avoid external things but juicy part

8/January/2023

These information is very important to draw the whole story we want to share, but it is not the most juicy part

The Truth

6/January/2023

Almost all truth is neither pleasing nor comfortable. It destroys something inside you

Realisations Poland gave me

5/January/2023

So far I went to Poland 4 times and every time a certain significant realisation came to me

Emotions Can't Be Summarised

3/January/2023

In a store, I always see books showing summary of famous world literatures

Unhappiness Tells More

2/January/2023

Being happy is the most insensitive state of mind

Memory of 'Living in a moment'

1/January/2023

In the New Year, what we shouldn't do the most is probably reading an old diary

Moment & Emotion

31/December/2022

The below is an extract from my diary in March 2017

Cute skinny feminine Korean boys

28/December/2022

This summer in Sarajevo in Bosnia, I came across this street concert

ART OF LIFE/すべてを破壊せずにはいられない衝動

26/December/2022

By quoting lyrics from the song I'm attached to like this, what can I tell?

About 2022

25/December/2022

This year will soon come to an end

Foreign Japanese Women

24/December/2022

In a foreign country when having a drink with local men/guys/boys, I frequently got askedm

Tanizaki and Lust

21/December/2022

So far I often mentioned Mishima here, so that I always missed an opportunity to touch another writer, Tanizaki, Will write a bit about him

Sensitivity & Strength

19/December/2022

'Silent Jealousy' is one of 2 songs that couldn't be missed in my Amsterdam days

I still remember?

16/December/2022

Reading tons of memos I wrote in 2015 - 2017 while living in Amsterdam I always think I have a quite good memory and don't forget a person I go out with

Memory Fades Away

25/November/2022

52 years ago today Yukio Mishima died It was sunny Wednesday noon in 1970 and it quickly became nationwide news

Abe and Me

15/November/2022

More than 4 months passed since his death, but I still think about Abe

Desire for Eternity

26/October/2022

One of motive for creation is desire for eternity, ecstacy for eternity

Latin Bridge, First World War and Abe

7/September/2022

Here is where Austrian crown prince and his wife were killed in 1914

Mountains in Bosnia

25/August/2022

What I'm pleased in Bosnia is being able to see mountains Mountain is always tightly related to my memory of Japan because mountains can be seen almost everywhere there

Absolute and Concrete World

3/May/2019

People who live in a concrete world: They are those

Humans Never Become Mature

21/March/2019

We often over-evaluate older people, thinking like

Absolute Boredom

16/January/2019

What is an opposite thing of 'satisfaction' or 'fulfillment'?

Free From the Era

9/January/2019

Last night I was remembering friend’s sayings about Murakami and Mishima

Pitfall of Living Abroad

24/December/2018

Why is living abroad exciting and so sweet?

We Live in the Middle of a Transition

21/November/2018

We tend to think that our parent or people in the past had more stable

Why does the Japanese glorify death?

10/September/2018

One of the answers is quite interesting. This answerer describes the Japanese attitude toward death very well

'How to Die?' ― the 2nd Question

27/August/2018

The first question we face in our life is How to Live?

How to Love

22/August/2018

What is needed when we love someone or something? I think the most important condition for love is ephemerality

Un-humanistic Nature of Happiness

11/August/2018

Happiness is lukewarm.Tragedy is far more vivid, far more keen, far more lively, far more human.

Bearable Life

4/August/2018

Long time ago I had a pet, a small animal. Sometimes I felt that he taught me something.

Happiness is Tasteless

11/May/2018

Many people want to be happy. Many people tend to think being happy is one of the ultimate goals in our lives. But one thing we should not forget is that happiness itself does not provide anything to us.

Eternal Life & Death

12/March/2018

To live forever. They say this has been a dream of human being since our history began (I have never dreamt of it, though)