6/June/2023 in Tokyo
"I serve my life for"
"I devote my life for"
"I sacrifice my life for"
In a simpler expression,
"I have a life purpose/mission/ambition to die for"
It's only natural that we're attracted to such a person & feel even silent jealousy with
only we human has a willpower & navigate our life the way we want
but 99.9% of human (including myself, ofc) don't live like that, or can not live like that
Just justify things that are neither good or bad
Just satisfied with things that are given
Just accept things that already exist
Just act the same as everyone else
just a lukewarm passion
Just a lukewarm wish
just a lukewarm life
& just die in the end
That's why, we're attracted even more to a person who has something he devotes for & sacrifices for
A prominent person who lived a life to the maximum degree must be Mishima
Nobody mattered to him other than himself
Nothing mattered to him other than his sense of beauty
Mishima devoted his life only for his sense of beauty
Mishima sacrificed his life only for his sense of beauty
This purity, this innocence & this fragility is exactly the reason why Mishima's life still resonates with many people around the world & receives respects as well as silent jealousy from those who live a lukewarm life & wait for death
Every single person has their own sense of beauty
People just don't call it like this
If "a sense of beauty" is something hard to understand, then let's rephrase it as in;
"Things you feel right about & Things you feel wrong about"
If you feel something is right, then you choose it
If you feel something is wrong, then you don't choose it
The point is "you feel", not "you think"
Because one's sense of beauty is not based on calculated, rationalised, logical notions, much less "objectivity"
It's all about "feel"
If you feel eating animal meats is wrong, then you don't eat, no matter what
If you feel wearing pink shoes is right, then you wear it, no matter what
Emotion comes first
We rationalise later
The only important thing for me;
To live for my sense of beauty
A sense that judges what is "beautiful" for me & what is "ugly" for me
Accept only things that I find "beautiful" & reject everything that I find "ugly"
I can feel "I am doing right", "I feel alive"
only when I do things that align with my sense of beauty
Judgements from society, expectations from others, "correctness" from the outside world, ......all seems petty & trivial, comparing to my sense of beauty
Life is all about how to protect one's most pure, more innocent & most fragile sense of beauty from all kind of mundanity, mediocrity, normality, namely garbage, that attack us in every single second
And how to live for it