I want to talk about only you

Because it already exists in me before it exists in the world

This is our first meeting. But I feel like I met you before

I don't want to listen to this album, as if consuming something

Listening to 'ETERNAL'

Stealing

We end our relationship for now, but we will meet up again one day

Relationship that gives me a hope

The more beauty in his interpretation expands

Beauty doesn't exist

Things that cannot be summerised by any words

Something more important

ETERNAL ― my closure

ETERNAL ― alone

ETERNAL ― I know

ETERNAL ― 21 years

I feel like this September will come soon

9TO3／3TO9

Other's sufferings heal us

It exactly looked like a sign of her indifference

Wish to be removed from her social media

We Slept Because

Perfectionist, just because they don't have enough communication with other human beings

Perfectionist 2

I could have such a nice time in the past. Then, I will have another nice time again

Hope

Relationships are emotions

13 years

10 days

'love'

Rain stops

This is the reminder of her, of the time we spent time together

my ephemeral, my ETERNAL

Just listening, just nodding, eases and heals

A Little Text

After the breakup in 2020

ETERNAL

Perhaps she couldn't show the best or better sides of herself

She was not nice

my new ephemeral

2020201620122008

I feel sadness in a situation where I should feel anger

Sadness & Anger

Arigatou

2 years

I am anxious

New Sadness

Memory of ephemeral lily. My ephemeral lily

Ephemeral Lily

Where my emotions are gone?

Everyone falls into speechless for a moment, when they know about a life of Mishima

Something I've wanted to write about

Writing can externalise things, visualising things in me

Writing: Killing my hopes

Ephemeral emotion in us can be eternal. Ephemeral existence of us can be eternal

Ephemeral, yet Eternal

その気持ちを正しく受け止めてくれる人に巡り会えれば、永遠になれるんだって

儚い。でも永遠

Anywhere, but not here

I occasionally feel 'thirst' for his muscle-like sentences

Macho Sentences

I could not stop my memories........'our memories'........being destroyed in front of me

my first sadness

あの日、雪だるまが壊されていく光景を見たあとの私は、悲しみの複雑さを知ってしまった私だった。

はじめての悲しみ ― 9歳の薄弱

Online communications are all recorded & extremely visible, thus it shows an imbalance of the relationship

Modern Relationships 2 ― Visible communication

Special treatment for emotions, over-estimation of emotions, worship for emotions, being a slave of emotions

Modern Relationships 1 ― Over-emotions

She said 'the white snow decorates naked trees'

Naked Trees

It's a story about a woman who could meet a man that she can't forget forever

Reading 'I was a girlfriend of Morita Masakatsu'

Withered energy & overall tiredness are necessary for wearing Kimono beautifully

Japanese woman in Kimono

If Mishima Yukio was still alive, he would be 99 years old today

99th Birthday & Suicide may be selfish

I want to be alone more

Extraordinary

I still don't know what I should feel about it

Here & There

相手にやさしく語りかける言葉

「さあ」

And that's why sex is exciting. And that's why life is exciting

We want to deny 'We are animals'

I didn't know how much joy & delight flowers bring to our daily life

I like flowers now

Feels so difficult to reply a text, even just write Yes or No

Replying Texts

Men are disposal

'I think love exists only between a parent & a child'

Unconditional Love

Love is violent

I feel fear that I will still be very attracted to sadness, pain and loneliness in me

My sadness & loneliness will certainly continue

「私」とは誰で、どんな感じ方をする人間なのだろうという謎の探求

古典にこころ惹かれるわけ

To believe I'm the right one. And the other is wrong one

What I am tired is

I am nameless

I am a product of these history & culture. I am an accumulation of these memories

I am a part of 'you'

歴史とは、目の前の対象と私とが同じ根を共有しているという確信である

旅を意義深くするもの

Attention to details makes it hard to extract common elements & recognise patters

Same Faces: pattern recognition

部外者は認識がやや大雑把である故に共通する要素を見つけやすいが、現地の人は個々の差異に敏感なので共通する要素で対象をくくることが難しくなる

差異に目を奪われる

True Letter

彼の人生において、その一瞬にしか感じ取れない感情を、その一瞬にしか表現できないことを形にしたもの

夜に手紙を書くこと

moment by moment

とめどなく流れては去っていく、このつかみどころのないもの。感情とは、真実とは、そのようなものであろう。

真実と感情

A man 'learns' how to love by using his memory/experience of being loved by his parents

We Learn Emotions

No matter how much I don't want, I still have to hurt him/her, because

I have to hurt others

I was 100% innocent with what I wanted then

When I was innocent

'Whenever I want, I can go back to my home country'

Only reason that allows me to stay abroad

The more I leave Japan & come back, the more I become certain 'This is the only place'

Unconditional Acceptance

'He gave this positive thing to me. And I still have an appreciation for it'

Makes us Attractive

Days: Passed & Never Repeats

Recently memories from the early days in Krakow come back to my mind

Approaching to the end

Memories from nice beautiful autumn are still fresh, yet not ready

November: most depressing month

Because of this, we could think 'This is what a romantic relationship should be like'

Still Can't Accept Her Emotions

Why are we so sentimental?

Life becomes absolutely unacceptable, unbearable, unforgivable

Idealised Past

This is my first time to hear opinions about my country from a person I know

Real opinions about Japan

It's uneasy to be in a place where I don't have a strong reason for my stay

My Attachment with Japan

The longer I stayed abroad, the more I felt unbearable

I can't live abroad forever

In the future, how will I remember this event that I'm experiencing right now?

How To End Beautifully

Life is not a cheap Asian restaurant

Ignorant Tears

Some strange relations between Japan & Montenegro

102 years war: Japan & Montenegro

「ありがとう」という言葉でしか伝えられない、貴く、純粋な気持ちを思う

日本語でしか言えないこと

Sakurai San. Still hard to believe you are not here anymore

Emotions: Only one's own language can express

Sakurai Atsushi's passing. Probably I'm scared this reality becomes real inside me

Just One More Kiss ― Sakurai Atsushi

First day in Belgrade

The more I meet people, the more I feel how ephemeral relationships are

How to end a relationship

私は他人をあまりに特別なものとして見てしまっているのではなかろうか

人に感動しすぎること

I felt like I would never ever repeat that memory again with her

Pain of losing a memory

We often do things in life, not because 'I want to'. But because 'I am supposed to'

Life Template

Being able to express one's anxiety is attractive

Something I've wanted to write about

Macho Sentences

Reading 'I was a girlfriend of Morita Masakatsu'

99th Birthday & Suicide may be selfish

Kyoko's House

Innocent Ardency + Excellence = Beauty

Mishima's calligraphy

Mishima & Tanizaki

Will & Effort for Observers

A man of innocence

Silent Jealousy with Mishima

To live sincerely always ends up in suicide

Memory Fades Away

Mishima Yukio in Serbia

Dazai Osamu in Serbia

Becoming Beautiful Oneself

Free From the Era

Uncontrollable Nature of Life : Reading 'The Temple of Dawn'

A Note from Summer