27/February/2023 in Tokyo
".....I have zero interest in Mishima, but curious how he got such a strong willpower?"
The other day, my old friend abruptly asked me
Certainly Mishima is known as a very serious man, a man of determination, and his enormous effort made him worldly acclaimed "Mishima"
But I needed to take a bit of time to think the answer to my friend
When someone achieves a big thing, we.....audiences.....always want a reason
Audiences always want an explanation of why they made it, and start using these sentences;
"He made a lot of EFFORT for that"
"She has a DETERMINATION for this"
blah blah blah
But it feels something fundamentally wrong here
They act/achieve something, probably not because of these man-made, convenient, agreeable concepts
but because of unclear, unspeakable, illogical impulse
Effort, belief, willpower, purpose, commitment, sincerity, dedication, faith, determination, responsibility......
These shiny, objective, comfortable words are useful only for audiences who want an explanation
Audiences always wrongly believe that a rational logical objective tool, like words, can capture an entire thing, despite "words are imperfect"
But for him/her-self who actually takes an action, these words, or any words, are completely irrelevant
They don't think this way
Most probably they don't even "think"
They just "desire" and take an action
We always want to stay rational
We're always encouraged to be objective
But rationality never produces passions
Never brings any raw, fresh, burning desire
Passion, desire, lust........
these emotions' biggest enemy is always rationality, an objective attitude
But our life experiences clearly tell that
the best part of our life comes from
Being fully dependent on emotions,
Being totally jolted by emotions,
Being completely a slave to emotions
Nothing is relevant to desire but emotion is
Desire rejects logic
Emotion rejects logic
Romance rejects logic
It's arrogant to think we can still get this life's most juicy part by staying rational, by remaining objective, by keeping distance, in other words, not fully participating one's own life, not fully playing the life's main character role, not fully being subjective
Being objective means giving up attraction & beauty......
......while speaking these delusional notions of mine to my friend, I was remembering one scene in a cafe in London several years ago
"Words are imperfect.......Aki, we have to face this"
A woman who I had an affair with said, as if she was frustrated with me
as if she was frustrated with that I didn't get things behind her words
Perhaps I can understand her better now