Smile is Expensive: Extra

These days
I pay more attention to others' faces

Just because
I pay more attention to my own facial expression

Just because
I pay more attention to what kind of attitude I am showing
to the outside world
to the morning sun

And 99% of people shows a bitchy face
And I also fail into it easily

Smile is expensive

Just a tiny, slight, subtle concern & anxiety in our head
eradicates
a tiny, slight, subtle smile from the surface of our face,
entirely

---

These days
I've tried to remember which book it was

In which book,
Mishima said like this;

"Desire for being alive. Desire for a long life.........
I really don't know how much these desires make us vulgar."

I want to say almost the same about people's faces on the street
as in;

"I really don't know how much these bitchy faces make themselves look unattractive."

Or

"I really don't know how much your bitchy face makes others feel unpleasant."

But again,
Smile is expensive

It is far easier to be nonchalant for someone like me

―who is not from here
―who just enjoys the most surface level things here
―who can think "I can leave here anytime"

---

Having said,

Just keeping slightly smile on my face
brings me such a big cheerful emotion

Just keeping slightly smile on my face
deepens my appreciation to the other person who also smiles

Just keeping slightly smile on my face
enables me to access to "the world" so smoothly

These things felt almost "discoveries" to me

And now,
it's far easier to have these "totally unnecessary" communications than ever before;

"Do you know which tram goes to the central station?"
"Excuse me, is this butter?"
"Is this Shiba? Or Akita?"
"You're wearing nice shoes. I love it"
"Your nail looks very nice"

Or, more simply, saying
"Are you looking for something?" to someone who looks lost

Or, far more simply, saying
"Have a good day" to a strange who takes the same elevator in my hotel

instead of being "polite"
instead of being self-regulated
instead of "respecting other's personal space"

---

"You get what you give"

Or

"What we receive from the world is what we give to the world"

Sounds so mundane, so mediocre
& so uninspiring

Yet, now, to my ears
it sounds so acute, so vivid
& so true

And again
I'm remembering Mishima's words;

"It is very strange to me that
writers always look so serious, as if he is dealing with all the problems in this world."

"Writer has to be the one who should keep a cheerful face."

"Writer has to be the one who should be cheerful all the time."