Silent Jealousy with Mishima

A bookshop is one of the places I always go right after coming back to Japan from abroad

And I always find at least one new book talking about Mishima

More than 50 years has passed since his suicide, but still many are attracted to this writer who died at the age of 45

There are numerous reasons here, but I'm certain many people actually envy his life

He had a clear ideal and religiously pursued it at full speed

Nobody mattered to him other than himself

Nothing mattered to him other than his own sense of beauty

And it led him to death

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It's undeniable that a person who fully commits, fully pursues his mission attracts us

He looks self-interest, he looks rejecting us, he looks taking distance from us, but it is always distance that produces attraction

Even if his belief is something leading him to death, or exactly because it has self-destructive nature, he looks attractive

This feels even more true, considering our life is filled up with completely unnecessary, completely trivial, completely garbage matters and that makes our life completely out of focus & completely drifting all the time