Do I want to meet her again?

11/January/2023 in Tokyo

When I mention an opposite sex from the past, the most common question is

"Do you want to meet her again?"

We always get this question here and there whenever talking about an opposite sex from the past

I find this question quite natural, at the same time, hard to answer

In most cases, my answer is

"Not really"

Because there must have been reasons why we don't stay in touch

But then, if the next question is

"So you don't want to meet her, right?"

I feel some hesitance to agree with it

Usually I don't really desire to meet this specific woman, but it doesn't mean "I don't want"

There is a vast number of emotional layers between "want" and "don't want", especially in the context of "meeting an opposite sex again"

.....But one thing is certain

Whether or not I'll meet her again is secondary

Memory about this particular woman is primary, and the most important at this current moment of my life

Memory, in other words, all emotions I experienced with her

.....whether that be joy, anxiety, jealousy, sadness, desire, boredom, euphoria, pain, intoxication, loneliness.....

They are still alive and stay forever within me