Reading an unnecessary book

I'm currently reading a book, which is

unnecessary to read

I'm reading this book

Not because;
• it's famous
• it's considered a classic
• it's said to be worth reading

Not because;
Someone recommended me

Not for
any external reasons

But purely for
my internal-something

Many books I should read

Piling up on my desk

Yet every night
I choose this rather lengthy, rather "unnecessary" 90s love romance

I've been looking for a reason

Definite reason for "Why I have to live?"

I wanted reasons for many things

I was believing they would give me "meanings"

But perhaps,
or probably,
fresh vivid colours of joy would exist outside those obligatory notions