Men do not have to be conscious of being a man

Spending time with a woman

At some point
all of them always hint some form distrust or/and complainants towards men

Some women do, openly
Most of them, subtly

And I become aware
they see me with a certain suspicion

---

In the past,
this underlying distrust from women kind of annoyed me

Now,
it rather makes me quiet & think about something

---

In the past, I was kind of annoyed because;

Their remorse, anger, frustration and sadness were directed towards "Men"

This collective notion

Not towards "me" as an individual

Yet
this is something I'm a part of
this is the "group" I belong to

"Yes, I'm a man, but I'm not the man who offended/hurt her, yet I still feel like being blamed for something I didn't do"

---

Time went by

And gradually I felt
this is quite similar to the analogy between "nationality" & "individuality"

---

In foreign countries
I'm categorised as "Japanese"

This collective notion always comes upfront

And then,
after much delay
my individuality is recognised

"Collective → Individual"

Probably this is how we perceive the world

---

Usually it doesn't bring major issues

We are trained enough to recognise things this way

Issues arise in relatively negative contexts

---

Say,
if they had a bad experience with a Japanese person in the past,
that shadow falls over me

Everyone abroad must experience this conflict;

"Yes, I'm Japanese, but I'm not the one who offended/hurt you, yet I still feel like being blamed for something I didn't do"

Things would be easier, if
I could simply dismiss it & insist
"Okay, I understand your position, but I'm a different individual. I'm not responsible for what I didn't do"

But this option is not available to me

I have a strong consciousness of "being Japanese"

And I accept — rather I'm happy — being "categorised as Japanese"

Therefore
anything negative related to Japan or Japanese people brings some sort of discomfort & slight pain to me

And I feel a certain responsibility, a kind of "collective responsibility", as a Japanese person

---

Looking back now
it feels strange

why
I didn't apply the same attitude towards my sex & gender in this society

why
I was annoyed rather than accept, or at least, contemplate, their claims

But now, I know the reason

I didn't have a consciousness of "being a man" in this society

All I knew was the simple fact;
"I am biologically male"

I knew only my biological categorisation (sex)
but not my socially constructed role (gender)

And this fact reveals something simple;

"In this current society,
I did not have to be conscious of being a man"

Or

"In this current society,
men do not have to be conscious of being a man — unlike women"

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I gradually began to recognise how this society, culture, narratives are constructed & see how many artificial imbalances exist in this world