Living a woman's life

For a long time,
I've felt;

"Living abroad

.........especially, in a country where Japanese people are rare, like Poland, like Serbia.........

is like,
Living a woman's life"

"Not entirely. Only extremely partly, though"

---

On a train in Tokyo
—or anywhere, really—

When a woman passes by
every single man on the train looks at her, either
vulgarly or secretly

And I'm one of those men

A woman is the centre of attention

---

"Getting attention"

Sometimes it feels good
—I can't deny that

Sometimes it's uncomfortable
—Very unpleasant

And this is what happens, when I'm abroad

---

People judge others, based on appearance

And I am
obviously／shamelessly／vulgarly
"different"

It is so
It is too
Obvious

simply because I'm Asian
simply because I'm Japanese

I stand out

which, again
can feel nice

At the same time
can feel quite uncomfortable

---

Sometimes, I return home late at night in a foreign city

Walking alone

And in the back of my mind
I'm slightly concerned;

—Perhaps I might be attacked—

I'm definitely not a "big", "macho" guy

Quite the opposite

Much smaller body than the local men
Skinnier frame than the local men, or even the local women

And with my clothing & slightly long hair
probably, from a distance, it might be hard to tell
if I'm male or female

And regardless of gender, though
I know I look physically weak & fragile

---

Obviously I'm aware that
I stand out less, if
I "dress down"
or I don't walk in the midnight

But why should I?

Why do I act like a "2nd class citizen" who is not fully qualified for the society?

---

In a foreign country
there are always places that I hesitate to go or avoid going

Because I'm a foreigner

I feel restrictions in daily life, which locals must not feel

---

That said
I can justify all of "negative aspects in daily life" by thinking;

"BecauseI'm a foreigner
"Because I'm an outsider
"Because I'm just a tourist"

And
I always have an escape the route;

"Going back to Japan"

In Japan
I'm just one of the crowed

Nobody pays attention to me

Every time I come back to Tokyo from abroad,
I find this very refreshing

But
does woman have the same "option" as I do?

Highly likely, no

Whenever they go, whichever country they visit
they must be looked, gazed, observed all the time

---

Over 1 month has passed since I returned to Japan

And, as always
I feel I became "arrogant"

Or, to be more precise
I feel I got a "power", which I've never asked for, really

In a foreign country
I feel like "I'm a guest. I'm a guest who is not invited. So I have to act modestly"

But in Japan
"Well, this is 'my' country. Why should I care......about how I look, how I behave, or what others think?"

---

It's true that
Japanese women "seem" shy & modest, compared to women in Poland or Serbia or other European countries

But because of this
I question it even more—

"Why?"

---

.............These experiences of mine abroad are
extremely tiny
extremely shallow
& almost laughable,
compared to what women experience everyday

But for 99% of men
having such experiences itself would be quite rare

And for me, as a man
even these surface-level experiences are enough to make me
wonder
imagine
contemplate
what a woman must feel in this society every day