11/October/2023 in Krakow
I'm very convinced
everyone has a story to tell to others
"the fact of having a story to tell" is different from
"the confidence of actually telling a story to others"
Looking back, around 20 years old,
I could not think
I had my own uniqueness or creativity or imagination
or simply, individuality
I could not think
I had "something different" from others
.........Well, actually, I thought I had "something different" from others
But I could not recognise what it was exactly
And if I couldn't recognise,
then it was impossible to build something stable, like "self-confidence", on it
Thus, I often looked up to people whose work was to express themselves, so-called "an artist" or "a creator"
To my eyes, they seemed they'd fully recognised their own individual things inside them
And also, they knew how to access to it & use it for the outside world
I moved to the UK and learnt English & filmmaking
Studying abroad was not a major life path in Japan back then (even now)
Not to mention, studying filmmaking
I did something different from, probably, 98% of the Japanese people
Then, did I feel like "I'm unique enough"?
Not at all
After coming back from the UK,
I still couldn't believe I was different enough from others
It was only after my life in Amsterdam ended that I could start to believe;
"My life is different enough"
That is, "I'm different enough"
That is, "I have something to tell"
That is, "I have something to offer to this world"
Something happened in Amsterdam?
Some life-changing events happened to me in Amsterdam?
In this sense, I can't specify......also I don't need to specify......one particular reason why I could believe in my individuality
But probably the biggest reason was,
I met so many people in Amsterdam
To be more accurate,
I tried to meet as many people as possible
In my view,
Meeting others is
Getting to know others is
Getting to know myself
Talking to others is
Listening to my own words from my ears
"We can get to know ourselves only through others"
"In order to understand ourselves, we need others"
I was already aware of this very peculiar truth in life much before going abroad
But probably it was just knowledge in my head
Probably I started to practice it in real life only after moving to Amsterdam
my life in Amsterdam was a learning period about a relationship with others
It was the period that opened my eyes to this strange, yet attractive chaos around dynamics in human relationships
And I'm still attracted to it
When I lose this interest,
then it means I lose all interests in my life