Paulina

Paulina

is a Polish woman I'm going to meet tomorrow evening

And I feel nervous

---

We met in 2014 when I lived in London
And became friend
And did usual things that friends usually do

Our last meeting was my final day of 2 years & 3 months stay in the UK

It was 3 February 2015

After staying over at her place,
we went to the nearest metro station and parted

She was the last person I met before leaving the UK for Japan

After that, we exchanged several emails (she's been using only emails till this day)

But it soon died out and we didn't contact for nearly 9 years

---

From February 2015 to October 2023

8 years & 8 months

Now I feel that
meeting her tomorrow would feel like
facing my own life of the past 8 years & 8 months

Feels like
I'm going to see how my life has proceeded and transformed for this 8 years & 8 months

---

We always develop emotions & impressions about other while we are not in front of the person

And in the next meeting,
we subconsciously test if emotions/impressions we developed so far was right or not, and adjust it accordingly

---

3 February 2015

In that morning, when we hugged & said "See you soon" at the metro station in London,

this process quietly began in me

And since that day, for nearly 9 years, subconsciously or consciously, I must have been thinking and developing my impressions & my emotions around her

It was never tested for the past 8 years & 8 months

..........I feel like, tomorrow,
I will finally be able to clearly recognise the shape of these very ambiguous emotions that I developed for nearly 9 years

And finally see if it was right or not

Or, more simply,
if it has some meanings or not

If an emotional energy I spent for this 8 years & 8 months has a meaning or not

And now
I'm feeling slightly nervous about it