12/October/2023 in Krakow
We are always tempted to squeeze ourselves into "a life template" that the society provides us
"Going to a good school" or
"Making as many friends as possible" or
"Getting a good score" or
"Finding a good partner" or
"Girlfriend should be like this" or
"Serious relationship should look like this" or
"Be a caring partner" or
"Getting married" or
"Buying a house" or
"Taking care of neighbours" or
"Love my family" or
"Love my life" or
...........all these absurd miserable notions
To a great extent,
I have kept rejecting these above notions
To some extent,
I have succeeded not accepting them
But still, I have to admit that
there is a temptation in me to accept them
Why am I tempted?
Because, I think, if I fully accepted them.....,
I would feel ease
I would feel I no longer have to think about anything
I would feel I can be "one of the mass", "one of them"
& I would finally get this significant emotion, called "a sense of belongings"
Following the above notions is surely fulfilling to the degree the one is brainwashed by the templates
At the same time, this inevitably brings boredom
Once we complete these "tasks",
Once we succeed squeezing ourselves into a template,
then, what is waiting for us is always absolute boredom
This unacceptable, this unbearable, this unforgivable boredom
We often do things in life
Not because "I want to"
But because "I am supposed to"
Life is filled with this sense of obligation
And gradually losing one's own will,
that is, one's own individuality