Native English speakers irritate me

These days
I feel a strange, yet quite intense irritation
when I hear English from native speakers

---

I used to like British English

But these days
when I hear British English, or any English from native speakers
I changed my route or switch seats in a cafe

Because
I don't want to hear their English

Because
their English irritates me to a very strange extent

And I do know the reason

The reason is
their "too much" confidence

---

I speak English as a second language

And 99% of people I meet speak it as a second language too

So that
there is alway a distance between their "emotions" & their "words"

I can always see this distance through
their eye movements
their hand gestures
their stuttering

And it makes me comfortable

Because
their struggles are my struggles

We share the same struggles

---

Native English speakers speak English
too fluently
too smoothly
too confidently

And
I can't see their internal fight to translate "emotions" into "words"
I can't see their distance between "emotions" & "words"
I can't see our shared struggles

Only thing I feel is "conceit" & "arrogance"

As if
there is no distance between "emotions" & "words"
As if
they can express all emotions via words
As if
we can express "EVERYTHING" and
we can share "EVERYTHING" with others

It brings irritation
to a strange
to an extraordinary
to an absurd extent

---

I want to see the struggles of a person in front of me

It is this struggle that

makes them look human
makes a bridge between me & them
makes me feel
I'm not the only one who struggles