35-year-old woman who has a 15-year-old body


*Japanese ver

Last Monday night, I met this Ukrainian woman in an event

Let's call her, Vika

This was the 3rd time we met

In the previous events, we'd already had a chat for a bit, and I'd already known some basic things about her

35 years old
From Ukraine
Living in Krakow for a quite long time

There were very visible wrinkles on her face, which surely made her look like mid-30s

I should mention first that from the beginning I didn't have any romantic or sexual interest in her. (Also I should mention, to avoid any misunderstandings among people in this fantastic online space, that I don't have any interest in 15-year-old kid)

She was not my type
But she looked very innocent & sincere
And I got an impression that if we became friend, this friendship would last long

This was what I'd already thought about her before Monday

But last Monday, I noticed something new about her

I noticed her body looked like 15-year-old

Monday night, I & Vika & a couple of other people were talking in a bar

One girl was very talkative and she initiated our talk

At some point, I noticed Vika opened her mouth only when someone posed a question to her or prompted her to speak

She was sitting in a sofa just 1 meter away from me, and so I could see every moves of her very clearly

She never acted
She never pretended, like

"I'm listening carefully"
"I'm engaging the subject"

by nodding overly, or
by putting an exaggerated smile on her face, or
by bending her body to the speaker

All what she did was
sometimes looking up on the ceil absent-mindedly, or
slowly moved her body to right / to left

She was just there & did almost nothing
Yet somehow didn't give off an air of boredom

And my impression of "her body looked like 15-year-old" was coming from not only her physical aspects but more from this kind of attitudes she showed in front of me

If she'd tried to act politely, or
if she'd tried to be nice to all of us, or
if she'd been "a people-pleaser"
Or, if she'd been afraid of being seen alone

then, my impression about her must've been completely different

She must've just looked like an average, mundane, well-behaved, nice, polite, decent, vanilla, boring, calculated, excessively self-conscious, hence another factory-made human being who we encounter at every single corner in this current world

My attention was not drawn to a talkative girl or other participants

The more they spoke & became excited, the more my attention went to very quiet, very static existence of Vika

She was sitting just 1 meter away from me. Her physicality was always in my sight

On top. Wearing a white, plain shirt
On bottom. Wearing a pale-coloured shorts

Sandals on her foots looked very "practical". Nothing fashionable at all

No manicure on her foots & hands

Seemed almost no cosmetics on her face & wrinkles were apparent

Sometime she went to a restroom or the bar counter to get a drink

And I was seeing her standing up & walking there

Her height was not too tall, around 165cm
Her body was very skinny. Flat chest. Her entire body was flat

Her legs

She had well-shaped legs that were exposed from her plain shorts

Not short, yet not too long
It didn't ruin an entire balance of her body

Not ugly, yet not too attractive
It didn't ruin her quiet & modest nature

At some point I started to wonder
"Did she shave her legs.....?"

Considering several factors of her.....no cosmetics, too plain fashion, simple personality, relaxed nonchalant vibe........., I wouldn't have been surprised even if she hadn't

Perhaps I might've been more surprised if she had shaved

Despite our close proximity, the bar was dark & it was not clearly visible

Sometimes she moved her legs, and due to some lights from the ceilings, I could be almost sure she shaved

And it felt like a reminder of this simple, obvious, apparent fact;
"She is a woman"

Her hands........on back of her hand, blood veins weren't visible
Still very smooth skin remained

Her fingers were not too thin, yet not too thick

Her hands looked as if its growth completely stopped when she was 15 years old

Very juvenile, very innocent, very honest hands
that accidentally yet certainly revealed things hidden in her inside

.......There was a ring somewhere in one of her fingers

Strangely, I can't remember its colour or shape or anything about the ring

Probably the ring didn't either decrease or increase beauty of her hand, but remained complete neutral

........Probably it was partly due to the light from the ceiling

sometimes her body looked like it gave off bright light
sometimes her existence looked very dazzling

And I still wonder,
what was that shiny brightness from her body?
what was that youthfulness her body still embraced?
& what was that dazzling attraction her body showed to my eyes?

Going to a new place
Meeting new people
& Writing about it

Probably this is one of the prime enjoyments in my travel over the past several years

I was not, and still am not, attracted to Vika romantically or sexually or any other forms that others can easily categorise

But surely there was another type of attraction around her in my eyes

What I wanted to capture by writing was;

something others didn't notice,
even she herself didn't notice,
something only I could see,
something only I was aware,
something only I had
.......namely, my own truth.......
her shines, her dazzling shines that she showed to the outside world only that night, only for a moment

Beautiful landscapes, tasty dishes, history, culture, local customs........, all is very fun to write about as a memo, but the biggest inspiration is always human beings

who have too warm body
who have too much smell
& who have too much of one's own desires and emotions

It is the existence that is
too imperfect,
too chaotic,
too unpredictable,
& too difficult to be loved

........called human beings