Flashbacks: 2018 & 2023

At 2am

In the bus

On the way back home

Listening to one of my favourite singers, Yoshiko Sai's first album in 1975

Several old memories from 2018 came back & I felt almost dizzy

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The other day I wrote that 5 years ago I was thinking to live in Krakow, but at the last-minute I changed my mind & headed to Warsaw, and in the end lived there for 2 years

It was actually August in 2018

So, 5 years later, in the same month, I came to Krakow

This inevitably brought a sense of "How my life would've been if I had come to Krakow 5 years ago, instead of Warsaw?"

And it was also August in 2018
A couple of days after I arrived in Warsaw, I found this Sai Yoshiko's album & instantly got to like it

And again it was August in 2018
Several days after I found the album, I met my ex & dated for 2 years afterword

August was our first month, and just like other couples, first 1-3 months is one of the most, if not the most, fun, exciting, unforgettable periods

Lots of intoxications
Lots of up as well as down
Lots of euphoria & anxieties

And during that period, I was constantly listening to this album every single day

This album is literally a reminder of one of the most fulfilling & dazzling time in my life

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5 years passed

Looking at my face reflected on the bus window

I feel like I still look the same
But in reality, it doesn't. Because I became 5 years older

I feel like, if I could meet her in this city of Krakow now, I could repeat the same exact excitement & happiness from 5 years ago again
But in reality, it's impossible. Because time passed

And because........, I changed
I don't want to repeat the same things again, even if it's possible

That excitement
That fulfillment
That happiness
& That loneliness

It all happened only once in my lifetime
And it's enough

In a sense, it's sad
It's very sad that I can't repeat the same things again
But that's why memories are still shining in me

If "reincarnation" or "reborn"  or "eternal life", or these kinds of despicable, vulgar, insensitive notions are real, then how unbearable & unacceptable human life becomes

Everything should fade away & Everything has to come to an end

Ephemerality is the only thing that guarantees the beauty of this world, of human life