Vanished Beauty

*Japanese ver

Past couple of days I've watched films

Very unusual
Because I avoid watching films usually

But this probably seems quite strange for some people who know what I did before;

Studied filmmaking in London
& worked in the industry in Amsterdam

However, for the past several years, I've been almost despising all kind of films

I watched only one film last year, and probably no films in 2020 - 2021

Several reasons for my dislike of films;

― I just can't stay in front of the screen for 2 hours. 2 hours! Come on, too long!

― Film music feels forceful. It feels forcing the audiences to have certain emotions, which is displeasing

― Film seems not very sophisticated & appropriate form of art to express/depict reality and human beings

etc......

.......But perhaps the biggest reason would be very simple

I watched tons of films in my teens, and they were almost exclusively European films from the 50s - 70s

Apparently these old European films were the ones that sparked a strong interest & aspiration for Europe inside me

---

Later, I myself started to live in Europe

I started to live in an environment where I was watching in films in my younger days

In other words, I made "my dream" come true & lived in the dream

And it's only natural, once a dream comes to real, it loses all dazzling elements, all sparks fade away, and it becomes useless

---

Past couple of days I've watched films
just because I happened to find some old DVDs

All films were the ones I'd already watched in the past

And what I found was
the only reason I still watch films is
appreciating beauty of an actress

Now I have no interest in any serious solemn themes the film tries to present, stroy-telling, camera work, shot compositions, acting skill.......

The only reason that still remains in me is this most superficial, most shallow, most unsophisticated & most simple element;

Seeing beauty of an actress

I have no idea if these actresses in the 60s are objectively more beautiful than those in 2023

But for me personally, subjectively, they are the ones who were an object of fascination of my younger self & this is something any actress in 2023 wouldn't be able to over-write

---

Their beauty no long exists now

It all vanished
Some of them passed away already

That's why watching these old films feels precious

These films successfully captured the highest point of their beauty
that shined only once in their life time
that was never repeatable
that was ephemeral

A beauty that no longer exists
A beauty that is ephemeral
Thus, their beauty is eternal