She Looks Different From Photos

2/August/2023 in Kraków

The other day I met a woman from the online space

And I felt what I always feel

A gap between photos & real

Sometimes it's big
Sometimes it's small
Either way, the gap always exists

And one of the reasons behind must be the contrast between

this static, this freezed, this already-finished thing, called photos


this lively, this dynamic, hence, this shapeless, this unfixed, this unstable, this uncertain, this very unorganised & chaotic thing, called a living human being,

or called "reality"

Entirely on my hand
Feels 100% under my control
Belongs to the past
Never threatens my existence
Never invades my reality
Totally safe

―Living human being, or reality
Entirely out of my hand
100% out of my control
Belongs to the present
Can threaten my existence
Can invade my reality
Totally unpredictable

The same goes to the relation between the dead & the alive

Always amazed how hard to love a person who is still alive

A living existence is
too warm
too raw
too fluid
too messy
too formless
too dazzling
too uncompleted
& too unpredictable

while the dead is
too quiet
too static
too peaceful
too polite
too nice
too completed
& too safe

The dead is so welcoming that they accept any kind of fantasies, romanticism & sentimentalism a living human being projects onto them

Why is it so hard to love a living human being?

Because they have an emotion

A white-hot burning emotion,

that rejects all kind of forms, orders, rationality & morality

Yet, that is exactly the source of his/her attraction