by axxxm
13/August/2024
Sometimes
my father sends me articles about pensions
"How to save efficiently"
"Tips for retirement"
He means well—kindness, concern, whatever it is parents feel
But almost every time
I don’t read them
Instead, I feel a slight discomfort
Because it feels like pressure
An unspoken pressure:
"I have to live long"
To receive a pension,
I must live long
But I’m not sure if I want to
Or rather
I want to reserve the right, the freedom, to exit this world whenever I feel like
Regardless of what I feel
money is automatically taken from my income
for a future I’m not sure I believe in
Wondering
"Will I still be alive then?"
"Do I want to be?"
......and a strange thought crossed my mind
"Did Mishima regret paying into his pension before he died?"
He died by suicide at 45
He had paid for years and years, and a lot
And his family couldn’t reclaim it
So, did Mishima ever regret it, even for a moment?
Answer is apparently apparent
If the thought of pension had stopped him,
then his life would’ve become utterly joke