Relationship that gives me a hope


"Relationships are all replaceable"

is the message we receive 24/7

If it's good,
then continue it

If it's "toxic",
then cut it

As a person living in 2024,
I'm tempted to agree that;

We have a full control
over our relationships
over who we should connect & who we should avoid

But fundamentally, I do think;

"We can't choose a relationship"

Now, I'm talking about one specific relationship I'm having with someone

We met several years ago in an European capital city

And we had some intense things

But, since what we wanted was different, we had to end it

It was not easy on both sides,
but we had to

Few years passed

In 2022,
I was in a country where she was from

Not because of her
Just because of the sightseeing

I arrived in a hotel
I unpacked my luggage
I went out

2 minute later on the street

A bike was coming to my direction

And I noticed it was her

She noticed me too at the almost same time

I fell into speechless at that moment

she appeared in my life again abruptly

it was just after my arrival

I actually lived in her country 1 year after our contact ended

Yet, during that time, we didn't bump each other like that

But when I visited for the sightseeing

in the first day,
just some minutes after my arrival

I bumped into her

We both didn't have much time then

Had a quick coffee
Exchanged contacts
And met up for a drink the other day

Till this day,
we're still staying in touch

And every time I visit her country, we meet up

Simply put,
our connection was retrieved

Now 2 years have passed since our "reconnection"

But still,
very strange, very unbelievable, very mysterious sense remains in me vividly

I thought everything about us ended

We both thought everything about us ended

And in fact, it ended

But because of this "accident",
it re-ignited

If we had lived in the same country, or
if I had not been from Japan, which is almost the opposite side of the earth,
probably this incident could have felt less

Needless to say,
if one of us had contacted through the online
and set up the meeting,
then, highly likely, I would feel nothing

But it happened
in a very unexpecting, very accidental, very "violent" way

because of the way she appeared in my life again

She was on the bike and coming to my direction

I could not ignore
I could not pretend to not notice
I could not escape

After all happened and looking back,
it felt like (and it's still feeling like)

"The relationship was attacking me"

I don't think we can select who to connect with & not connect with

I don't think we can "choose" relationships

Relationships are something more

Much more than our vulgar calculations & despicable conceits

Relationships are a precious thing

This is something that exists between
me, who is precious,
and the other person, who is as precious as I am

What happened to me, or to us, was probably something exceptional

But even if it was exceptional,
just one example was enough to believe

to believe
the same will happen to me again

three times,
multiple times,
in the coming future with other person

When a relationship comes to an end,
it always feels painful, even hopeless

But because I have this relationship with the woman

...........which came to an end once & came to alive once...........

now I can believe;

"Okay, this relationship between me & you ended now"

"But it ended 'for now' "

"We will meet up again one day"