Renata

Renata was my colleague in Amsterdam, like "EL" I previously mentioned here

But unlike El, I don't have any episodes with her

There is no memos or diaries that mentioned her

I surely exchanged some words with her, but can't remember anything

But, even after 7 years, one image about her.....her sitting in front of the computer, wearing a headset, staring at the screen straight.....serious & unclouded eyes.....

this image still clearly remains in my memory

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She spoke English & Russian

I guessed she is from Russia

Later someone told me she's Latvian

Hair was blond and eyes were blue, but she was not a type of woman who we, or men specifically, usually imagine from a description like "a girl with blond hair & blue eyes"

Early 20s, around 165cm height, often wearing casual clothes, putting flat shoes on in summer

Each parts on her face were well-composed, yet this never brought some difficult-to-approach vibe

Unlike other colleagues from Spain or Italy, she wasn't an expressive person, but this didn't bring any cold-ness or distant touch

She always put a soft faint smile and gave off amicable aura

and looked having a good relationships with other colleagues

But there was something caught my eye

Something....., something different from what she showed to the outside world

Now I don't want to call it "her loneliness" or "some shades of her mind" etc....., these over-used mundane words

Because she was not a person who always made distance from others by keeping herself inside her

At the same time, "a bit shy", "a bit reserved", "a bit introverted", "a bit something".....

.....these unclear, ambiguous, vague descriptions were a complete mis-match with her

These foggy, misty, hazy adjectives do not fit her calm & unclouded look that an image of her sitting in front of the computer still brings to me

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One day, I got to know she had a boyfriend

"Renata has a boyfriend"....., I didn't know anything other than this mere information

But it looked certain that she was in a fulfilling relationship

Rather, it'd have been odd if she'd been single

Her calm look in front of the computer must've come from a certain fundamental contentment inside her

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This morning I wrote several lines about Renata in one chapter of my next book

Writing about the past is such a strange activity

I didn't have any close contact with her and almost forgot her for the past 7 years

But memory of her was still alive somewhere inside me and it still brings something to me

Very tiny fragment, but she was surely a part of tapestry of my memory

Or, of my life