Where my emotions are gone?

18/February/2024 in Tokyo

When a relationship comes to an end,
I always have a strange feeling. Or, a question

"Where my emotions were all gone?"

Emotions I was having towards her

I think I cared of her

I think I had genuine feelings for her

I think I liked her enough

There were days I was thinking about her all day

In other words,
I consumed a lot of emotions of mine for her

But obviously(?),
emotions I tried to give her were not enough

Or, it was not something she wanted to receive

That's why, our relationship ended

And fair to say,
emotions she tired to give me might be also not what I wanted

Any relationships are about mutual interactions
Not one-way thing

But in any case, now I'm only talking about my own subjective view

Weather she didn't want or
didn't receive or
didn't notice at all.....
it all doesn't really matter

Inside me, there were surely emotions towards her...........This only matters

The relationship ended

Then, where my emotions, that I was having towards her, went?

Did it all vanish?

All wiped out?

Or, was it even real in the first place?

That very warm
That very fresh
That very acute emotions inside me

Where were they all gone?

Why did they leave me alone like this?

They were "my" emotions

They were a part of me

How come they could go away from me without my permission?

............I don't think it was all illusion

I don't think it all vanished

Because I'm still feeling,
this very raw,
this very vivid,
this very dazzling thing inside me