I can't forget. I don't want to forget


*Japanese ver

2 weeks ago in Warsaw

I was meeting my friend

She had a boyfriend for 6 years

They broke up last year
Currently live separately
Now both completely accepts their conclusion

Her story continued & she mentioned something relating to him, as in

"I have one of 2 keys to his house. He gave me, in case he loses his own key somewhere"

"He is a guarantor of my house contract. He was the only one I could ask for this"

While hearing these things from her, I was thinking

"Relationships with others can't end so easily......Rather, it should not end so easily"

It's easy to see a certain "dependency" between her & her ex

But I felt this dependency......or, more generally speaking "connection"......is exactly what proves she is, also he is, human beings who have emotions

In fact, I must've felt strange, if they'd behaved like a complete stranger, considering 6 years of being together

When I was young,
when I was so inexperienced & so immature,
I thought there is only one single reason for break-up

Extreme hatred

"I will never talk with this person again"

I thought a couple/marriage's breakup happens only because both, or one of them, have an extremely high level of hatred

Thus, the below words were totally out of my understanding

"I like her as a person, but I can't be together as a couple"

"I like his ABC, but I don't like his XYZ"

"I used to like him, but now I can't see him as a partner"

.......these very humanly sentiments,
very grey,
very un-black & white,
very unclear,
very unspecific,
very complicating gradation of human emotions about a relationship with others.......

were completely out of my sight

More precisely, I was rejecting its existence

a guy who still sends a birthday message to his ex-girlfriend, or

an ex-husband who still sometimes goes to dinner with his ex-wife.......

.....I saw only unbearable immaturity & weakness in these people

And despised their dependant mentality

Many years have passed since then

I myself experienced these unclear, ambiguous, confusing grey situations many times

And gradually came to realise

there are vivid real-news & fresh raw-ness in this unclearness

some essential elements in life.........some sort of "truth" in human beings........must exist in this grey territory

And that
this unclearness of emotions is probably what makes us human

Looking back & remembering a countless number of people I met in my life, there are surely some who I should not have met & I want to forget


They were surely "participants" in my life story
We surely crossed our life path at some point in our life time
And they are surely a part of my memories, a part of my life

And I can't forget. I don't want to forget