20/May/2023 in Tokyo
Had a chat with a Japanese boy at a bar
I was waiting for someone
He was also waiting for someone
And we had a chat for a bit
A uni student in Tokyo. 21 years old
Well-dressed. Pretty look
He told me, recently he had a girlfriend, 20 years old, and everything is going well so far
For him, this was his 2nd relationship
"To be honest I want to get married to her in the near future, and want her to be my wife"
I guessed he already revealed this "wish" in front of her
I asked for confirmation
He smiled, slightly embarrassingly, and said "Yes"
No need for me to ask the next question, but out of my politeness I posed;
"How she reacted?"
"She was....she didn't say anything, just smiled happily"
......Why young boys are always like this?
Men in youth always behave like this
1st reason must be lack of experience
Due to insufficient experiences, they believe that fictional Disney fantasies are real
that "Boy meets a girl, gets together, gets married, has 1.2 kids and dies holding hand" is the only & most desirable model
Naiveness & innocence, which are typical in youth, contribute it
They don't know yet that human emotions are highly complicating, and it's not black & white thing
Logic or rationality or morality or any of these man-made garbage notions have zero power in front of emotions
3rd, too serious
Lack of experience & understanding about human nature make a young boy anxious
Not having one's own individual opinion makes a young boy anxious
To reduce this anxiety,
he tries to stick to things that are considered "good", "recommended" or "approved" by the majority
he tries to rely on an external, objective, easily-available template
such as "marriage" or "an exclusive relationship" or "first date must be dinner" or.......these factory-made mathematical ideas provided by the society
It means ignoring the reality in front of him
& focusing on human-made artificial notions in his head
Obviously it doesn't work
.......Well, it could work, but boring
Feels safe but unbearably boring
Young people are too serious
due to not knowing how diverse human life can be
& how complicating human emotions can be
& how complicating human life can be
These 3 reasons come from one single source, "unconfidence"
"If I lose her now, perhaps I can't have next"
"She is my last option"
A young boy can't believe himself
It's impossible for him to think "I am attractive enough & I can attract others"
As a result, he sticks to a person in front of him
These qualities in a man, or even in a woman, attractive?
What's worse for a young boy, a woman at the same age is often more experienced & has far better understandings about human nature
Then, what this young pretty Japanese boy should do?
Trying to socialise & meet more people
Trying to find things he focuses on, other than his girlfriend, such as hobbies or work
Trying to improve himself
......all these things should be useful, but ultimately he should get older & gain more of diverse experiences
Through experiences & age, we can stop treating our life as something very important, something very fragile, something very precious
Instead, we can treat our life as if it's disposal, as if it's another trash we can throw away anytime
And only after this, we come to realise life is hardly breakable
Even if we want it to end now, it doesn't end so easily
Suicide is difficult
Death is far
Life is very persistent, very stubborn & still going on like a cockroach
And then, a young boy will be able to realise a romance is just one of entertainments in life, it's just a past time activity, it's just for escaping from oneself, it's for avoiding facing one's own life
.........Vaguely I was thinking about these things while his story still continued
And I was wondering, if I should tell my thoughts in order to "educate" this young Japanese boy in front of me
But then, I had to face my own contradiction
Now, I was just an observer on his romance, so that I was able to have this "objective", "distant", "cold" attitude
But what if I was involved in a romance?
Did I really hold such an objective, dried, dead attitude?
Weren't I happily involved in it, happily throwing away all objectivity & rationality of mine?
And wasn't I the one who dreamt of being completely lost in romance?
..........A person I was waiting for just arrived
& I could say "Good luck" to this young pretty Japanese boy in front of me