Why young boys are like this?

20/May/2023 in Tokyo

Last weekend

Had a chat with a Japanese boy at a bar

I was waiting for someone
He was also waiting for someone
And we had a chat for a bit

A uni student in Tokyo. 21 years old

Well-dressed. Pretty look

He told me, recently he had a girlfriend, 20 years old, and everything is going well so far

For him, this was his 2nd relationship

He continued;

"To be honest I want to get married to her in the near future, and want her to be my wife"

I guessed he already revealed this "wish" in front of her

I asked for confirmation

He smiled, slightly embarrassingly, and said "Yes"

No need for me to ask the next question, but out of my politeness I posed;

"How she reacted?"

"She was....she didn't say anything, just smiled happily"

......Why young boys are always like this?
I thought

Men in youth always behave like this

1st reason must be lack of experience

Due to insufficient experiences, they believe that fictional Disney fantasies are real

that "Boy meets a girl, gets together, gets married, has 1.2 kids and dies holding hand" is the only & most desirable model

Naiveness & innocence, which are typical in youth, contribute it

2nd, immaturity

They don't know yet that human emotions are highly complicating, and it's not black & white thing

Logic or rationality or morality or any of these man-made garbage notions have zero power in front of emotions

3rd, too serious

Lack of experience & understanding about human nature make a young boy anxious

Not having one's own individual opinion makes a young boy anxious

To reduce this anxiety,

he tries to stick to things that are considered "good", "recommended" or "approved" by the majority

he tries to rely on an external, objective, easily-available template

such as "marriage" or "an exclusive relationship" or "first date must be dinner" or.......these factory-made mathematical ideas provided by the society

It means ignoring the reality in front of him
& focusing on human-made artificial notions in his head

Obviously it doesn't work

.......Well, it could work, but boring

Feels safe but unbearably boring

Young people are too serious

due to not knowing how diverse human life can be
& how complicating human emotions can be
& how complicating human life can be

These 3 reasons come from one single source, "unconfidence"

"If I lose her now, perhaps I can't have next"

"She is my last option"

A young boy can't believe himself

It's impossible for him to think "I am attractive enough & I can attract others"

As a result, he sticks to a person in front of him

"Too serious"
And "unconfidence"

These qualities in a man, or even in a woman, attractive?

Not really

What's worse for a young boy, a woman at the same age is often more experienced & has far better understandings about human nature

Then, what this young pretty Japanese boy should do?

Trying to socialise & meet more people

Trying to find things he focuses on, other than his girlfriend, such as hobbies or work

Trying to improve himself

......all these things should be useful, but ultimately he should get older & gain more of diverse experiences

Through experiences & age, we can stop treating our life as something very important, something very fragile, something very precious

Instead, we can treat our life as if it's disposal, as if it's another trash we can throw away anytime

And only after this, we come to realise life is hardly breakable

Even if we want it to end now, it doesn't end so easily

Suicide is difficult
Death is far

Life is very persistent, very stubborn & still going on like a cockroach

And then, a young boy will be able to realise a romance is just one of entertainments in life, it's just a past time activity, it's just for escaping from oneself, it's for avoiding facing one's own life

.........Vaguely I was thinking about these things while his story still continued

And I was wondering, if I should tell my thoughts in order to "educate" this young Japanese boy in front of me

But then, I had to face my own contradiction

Now, I was just an observer on his romance, so that I was able to have this "objective", "distant", "cold" attitude

But what if I was involved in a romance?

Did I really hold such an objective, dried, dead attitude?

Weren't I happily involved in it, happily throwing away all objectivity & rationality of mine?

And wasn't I the one who dreamt of being completely lost in romance?

..........A person I was waiting for just arrived
& I could say "Good luck" to this young pretty Japanese boy in front of me