Hope

The past 2 months have been very busy

I had to write 2 books
Also, my first "proper" book will be published this summer nationwide

All of this makes my days hectic

But deep down,
I've been having some sentimental feelings

Some memories have been stuck in my head or heart these days

---

Several years ago

Exactly this period

Late winter to spring

I was focusing on learning some new skills

Few years passed

And now, I'm writing about these skills as books

I was, let's say, "a student"

But now, I became "a teacher"
or someone who teaches it to others through books

This obviously brings me a sense of progress and a kind of satisfaction

But a certain sentimental feeling has also been existing in my mind for the past few weeks

---

At that time

I was living in Warsaw

And I was dating with my ex-girlfriend

Memories of this period are inevitably related to her

Now, few years have passed since our separation

With time,
things I was not happy about lost its weight in me

With time,
things I was happy about gain more importance in me

With time,
memories about her, or about us, are becoming more beautiful in me

And now, I find it very hard to believe this fact that
I was dating with that woman who was beautiful inside out

How could I date her for that long time?

And even, funny enough,
how she could date me who was probably not very easy to deal with?

---

I don't want to go back to the past
I don't want to repeat the same things
Once is enough

But
I want to have the nice time again
I want to make the nice memories again

Having beautiful memories,
or at least, trying to find positive sides of things,
gives me a hope,

as in

"I could have such a nice time in the past"

"So, if I keep going, then I will probably have another nice time again"

.........This sense of hope is what keeps me sane these days