My interest in men 2

In a cafe

I see a beautiful woman

She happens to sit next to me

I feel
my heart beats slightly increasing

---

My question is

"Why is my body reacting like this?"

And my answers are;

"Because she is physically beautiful"
"Because I'm physically attracted to her"
"Because I have a physical interest in her"
"Because I want to be physically close to her"

"Because..........Because..........Because"

"Because I want to have sex with her"

---

This is where my idealisation for men begins

I have an interest in the beauty of women
And I'm attracted to women sexually

I have an interest in the beauty of men
And I'm not attracted to men sexually

It means
my interest in female beauty unquestionably contains
(a large amount of) lust

In the current society
& in the history of human race
"lust" is always considered
"animalistic", "dirty", "vulgar"

Thus
my interest in female beauty inevitably feels
shallow
superficial
meaningless
temporary fun
pastime activity
killing time
simply, absurd

On the other hand
my interest in male beauty is not related to any of these "vulgar" desires

Thus
my appreciation to male beauty feels like
more meaningful
more pure
more beautiful
simply, superior